The Power of Your Voice: How Women Build Trust, Influence, and Business Growth with Ignite Speaker, Cathy Reilly

Speaker A: Foreign. Welcome to Extraordinary Women Radio. I am your host, Kami Gellner. Women are igniting a new paradigm of business grounded in soul and strategy. Join us each week to raise up the time, prosperity and wealth, prosperity in your business and life. Together, we are creating a ripple effect of impact for a more positive and connected world. This is Extraordinary Women Rad.

Speaker B: Hello, my Extraordinary Women friends. This month on Extraordinary Women Radio, we are continuing to introduce you to some of the incredible speakers who will be joining us at the Extraordinary Women Ignite conference happening November 5th through 7th in Colorado. Ignite is a gathering of, uh, women entrepreneurs who are ready to raise their voice, elevate their visibility, and build thriving businesses rooted in soul right there in our heart. Plus strategy. It's three days of inspiration, connection, business growth and possibility alongside an extraordinary community of women who are committed to creating meaningful impact in the world. If that sounds like you, I would love for you to join us. Just jump on over@Kammygilner.com ignite and grab your early bird ticket. I'm excited to introduce you to today's guest, Cathy Riley, who will be joining us on the Ignite stage with her talk beyond the the secret sauce strategy that grows your business. As many of you know, I believe your voice is one of your greatest business assets. Your voice carries your message. Your message builds trust, and trust opens the door to relationships and opportunities and clients and growth. That's why I knew Kathy would be such a wonderful fit for our Ignite community. Kathy is the CEO of Sharing the Shine, founder of the Clarity Code, and Communication Strategist, who has spent more than 25 years helping people communicate with greater clarity, confidence, and influence. From courtrooms and boardrooms to stages and podcasts, she helps leaders and entrepreneurs communicate in ways that get people to listen, lean in, and take action. In today's conversation, we're talking about the power of your voice, the hidden cost of staying silent, how to communicate with confidence without feeling salesy or performative, and what it really takes to build trust and influence through communication. Let's welcome Kathy Riley. Well, welcome to Extraordinary Women Radio. Kathy, I am so excited to have you here today.

Speaker C: Truly an honor to be here.

Speaker B: It's a long time coming. I can't believe I've never had you on. I don't know why that's the case, and I found that recently. I'm m like, how have I never had you on the. On the show before? And then you're one of those people. So I'm super thrilled about that.

Speaker C: Truly honored to be here. Because I've been stalking you for a very long time.

Speaker B: Ah, likewise, my friend. I like, I stalk you as well. So it's, it's good stuff. It's all really good stuff. So you have been, you've spent 25 years in the communications space helping people communicate better. What took you into that space? What where, how did you find your way there?

Speaker C: So it started off in litigation. So I spent, um, over two decades, uh, working with attorneys and with litigation. It's in front of, it's in the courtroom where you have a jury. Right. So you are telling your client story in a very short period of time. Because sometimes we had hours, sometimes we had days, sometimes we even had months. I mean, I've had months, multiple month long trials. But what we had to do is tell our story to 8, 10, 12 people. The jury. And the jury was constantly telling us whether they, they were leaning in, they were buying it, they'd cross their arms, they're like, uh, they'd shake their heads, they have no idea. They were constantly telling us how we were doing. And my job was paying attention to all of that. So then, like herding cats, I would work with my attorneys to say, okay, we need to move up, we need to speed up, we need to be a little bit more energetic, we need more, get more stories.

Speaker B: So you were you going and sitting in the, in the courtrooms and watching and like, and then giving that to you. Literally.

Speaker C: Like, you know, you see with LA law and all those old things like that, courtroom experience. Yeah, so I was sitting there, they were at the table, I was behind them. But I was constantly tracking the evidence that we were using, the documents, the witnesses, and I was making the attorneys look good along with what were they saying and how was it received to the jury. And so then I would help direct them to move along because there were times that they were going off and I'm like, you need to dumb it down. Like, we, we really need to, to connect with them. And there, and there were times where it was just like, okay, they don't like this guy. Let's, let's keep moving on to the next, um, knowing. Because big picture, you knew, I knew what we were trying to prove. Right. And it was all about facts and evidence, but it was also about people. So the jury. Right, the jury was. And it was, this was. My, my training is in psychology, neuroscience, all that. Who knew? I was like a jury consultant before, where that was a thing.

Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. I mean, how did you even land in that field? That's a Fascinating story in itself, I'm sure.

Speaker C: So, uh, I always wanted to be an attorney. My uncle, uh, Uncle George was a judge, so he was an attorney as a judge back in Ohio. And he kept saying, you're going to law school, you're going to go to law school. And I'm like, okay, I was going to go to law school. So I was, you know, pre law, psychology, business, pre law, ready to go. And then after finishing college, I was like, you know, I'm going to take a break and work as a paralegal. Before I started law school because I needed a break and I got into it and realized what attorneys were doing. And I'm like, yeah, I don't want to do that. Like, I wanted to still be part of that process, but I didn't. At that time, being in front of the room scared the snot out of me and I didn't want to do that.

Speaker B: Which is really interesting knowing you that you know, and I totally. Because I, I had the same, I had the same fear of being in front of a room at one point too. And. But you know, knowing you, it's like, it's, it's so, it's amazing where we start and where, you know, where we land. Right?

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker C: Like, and, and everything that I learned in the courtroom, right. I. Now I'm taking those same tools, systems and frameworks and applying it to humans in business. Whether you're an entrepreneur, you know, you're part of a team, nonprofit corporate America, whatever it is, it's the same way building that know like, and trust like that.

Speaker B: Yeah. That's amazing. When had you do the switch?

Speaker C: Um, um. So becoming a mother changed everything.

Speaker A: Yes.

Speaker B: Doesn't that happen?

Speaker C: I was, I remember I was pregnant. So here I am eight, you know, eight, nine months. Pretty big. And I ended up working till almost 11 o' clock because we had a client who was a pain in the tuckus, said that we needed to do this today. And even though, you know, just like in anything you have deadlines, right. In the legal, you have dead. Okay. So it wasn't due for another 30 days, but he said, no, I want you to do it today. So our team had to pull it all together. And I remember dropping my attorney off at home because he usually rides the bus. And my husband looked at me and he's like, this is, this is not good. I didn't have a choice. I didn't. I had no control. And when I connected knowing that I wanted to be a mom, I'm like, okay, what can I build around that, that I can be flexible and still stay in my zone of genius. So flip the switch on entrepreneurialism. But then the speaking thing, getting in front of the room happened because I nearly lost my life.

Speaker B: Oh, gosh.

Speaker C: And I refused to pick up the phone and call for help. So it was a short story, egg topic, pregnancy. Now my daughter's in vitro. I spent years with infertility. I couldn't get pregnant. And I had no idea that the pain I was experiencing was that. And instead of picking up the phone and calling for help, my itty bitty shitty committee kicked in and told me, no, you're just being dramatic. You don't need to call 91 1. It's just gas. It's no big deal. And I waited for my safe person, my husband, to come home, scooped me up, took me to the hospital, and then I was rushed in for emergency surgery. I had come this close to losing my life and being a mom and looking then at my daughter. And I am my mother's daughter and my grandmother's granddaughter. We were taught and raised to be seen and not heard, to take care of everyone else. And I did that. You know, I had a healthy daughter. My attorneys looked fantastic. My husband, everybody, my horse, everybody was living the dream. And I was in the background staying quiet, and I didn't want her to be me. And so that flipped the switch.

Speaker B: Absolutely. I mean, what we do, so we help our kids live differently, right? I mean, it's definitely. I definitely can tap into that, you

Speaker C: know, I mean, any parent. Because, like, we will do. We'll do amazing things for ourselves. We will do incredible, bend over backwards, miracle things for our kids. And so I believe as a parent, you've got to walk the walk, right? Not talk the talk, but you got to walk the walk lead by example. So that meant if I wanted to lead my own life, I needed to use my words, take up space, get in front of the room. And I had to be. I had to be the person I want her to become.

Speaker B: M. That's so beautiful. How. I mean, how did you break through that? I mean, you found the clarity in it, right? So you found, I'm going to do this. But as we all know, when there's a lot of, you know, fear and, you know, uh, all the weight of, like, taking those steps, what was it that helped you, like, step into it and say, I'm there?

Speaker C: So the first thing is gaining that clarity that I want to do this right. The second thing, and the biggest thing is courageous action. It's going to suck.

Speaker B: You just do it. You just walk into it suck.

Speaker C: And you just have to do it. I. I hired my first coach because I knew that I was. I was on the struggle bus and I didn't know the answers. I didn't know how to show up differently. So I hired my first. And it was a life coach, right? We were talking mindset, that itty bitty shitty committee. How do we. How do I use my voice? How do I get comfortable being uncomfort comfortable? And he really, at the foundation of all of that was just courage, because courage comes before confidence. And I just had to be courageous. And till this day, I am still an introvert. That has not changed.

Speaker B: Yeah, I am too.

Speaker C: But it's all about being courageous. I have no idea what I'm doing half the time. I have. No, no. And. And I never will because we're humans. Um, and it's just get comfortable being uncomfortable and be courageous and have fun in it.

Speaker B: Right? Like get into our bodies and have fun with it. And that's one thing I see you doing. And I would have never guessed that story. Um, you know, I would have never guessed that because I see you in such a bright light in everything that you do. And, you know, so that that brightness of you just shines. So, you know, you've got your sharing, the shine behind you. That is exactly how you show up. And that's exactly. I mean, it's so it's. It's. It's fun to hear those stories because we all come through. And I got my own stories that are coming through that as well. And it's, It's. But when we get through to the other side, we really start to feel it in our bodies in a different way. Right? What do you notice?

Speaker C: He. I finally gave myself permission to be me, to be unfiltered, to be empowered, to still be graceful and respectful. Because that. It will never be, you know, not who I am, but it is okay to have people's attention on me. It is okay to lead the conversation and to own my worth. I want to see my daughter kick booty. Right? She's 20 now, so she looks completely different. All of this that. That journey was about 16 years ago when I had my health issue. So who I am now is completely different. And it'll be in 10 years I'm going to be a different version of me. But giving yourself permission to be goofy, to be funny, to be authentic, to be real, to be creative, to go someplace and do something you've Never done before. To just be.

Speaker B: Yeah, I love that so much. So what is the cost of holding back, of staying silent? If, you know somebody's listening and they feel themselves holding back and just being silent in something that needs to come out, that's wanting to come out of them, what's the cost of that?

Speaker C: It's huge. And for me, it was almost my life. And it can be, but for most people, it's not that big. I don't recommend, you know, if you're in pain, call for help.

Speaker A: Right.

Speaker B: That's a pretty good basic one.

Speaker C: Yeah. Well. And some of us were taught that it's just like, no big deal. We've all woken up and it's no big deal. It's nothing. It's nothing. It's nothing but that it compounds over time. So if you're in a space where, you know you should be, you're feeling like you're being pulled, just take courageous action. What's it costing you? It's costing your success. It's costing you that next step. If you are really, really happy with everything you have today, then I say, yeah, good, great. You're awesome. If you want more, if you want, um, more in your business, if you want more clients, if you want more creativity, if you want more success, happiness, relationships, if you want more, more income, all of that, you've got to do something different. That's what it's costing you. It's that level of success.

Speaker B: Yeah. The next evolution of you and your success. Yeah. Yeah. So I see, you know, um, I'm speaking to women entrepreneurs all the time.

Speaker A: Ah.

Speaker B: Who are incredibly capable and they're really good at what they do, but they struggle to articulate their value. Why do you think that is? I mean, what's. What do you see happening there?

Speaker C: Um, honestly, I think we have been taught, told, um, encouraged to stay quiet. To stay quiet. And it's not about us. We think it's not about us. You know, we wear our hats right. So we are wives, we are mothers, we are this, we are that. We are part of a team and we are not taught to lead. But when we can really, really figure out what matters to us, everything changes. Because now we step into, um. Yeah, this really is in alignment with me. This feels good. It's uncomfortable. But this, this is true to where

Speaker B: our bodies will tell us, right?

Speaker C: It will. It will. And that was. What happened to me is, you know, I. I was working in the. The legal space. I had started my own business. I was doing all the things and my body was starting to shut down and I wasn't paying attention. You're exhausted, right? You're this, you're that, and you don't pay attention. And for m, for me, the, the, the breaking point was nearly losing my life. But most of us get to that exhaustion burnout point before going into the hospital and we'll, our bodies will tell us.

Speaker B: Yeah, they definitely will. I mean, I, I can go back to my corporate days and know that I was, that, you know, the year after I left, I was on decompression mode. I was like, just letting go of stuff that I had been holding that I didn't even know was there. And it's, it's, it's important that we, we do that and we make the space so that we're, we are, you know, stepping into our best selves and

Speaker C: our values, our core values. Our body will tell us. We can say. You can sit there and draw a list. What are the things that in the last six months that I absolutely love to do, enjoy, felt good at? And on the other side, the list is the things that you hate. That's frustrating. That was just like, ooh, I don't ever want to do that again. And just by tracking and looking at the things that we loved and we hated, we can figure out our core values and what really matters to us. But we have to slow down enough to pay attention.

Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. So as you think through, you know, working with entrepreneurs today, and you know, you came out of the world of working with attorneys, what do you see the communication mistakes that happen for entrepreneurs that maybe are carried forward from being, you know, watching the attorneys and working with attorneys. But what's the biggest communication mistake you see people making?

Speaker C: I'm going to break this down into two. Um, asking the wrong questions and not listening.

Speaker B: M so agree with that. And it's so funny because I was thinking you were going to go a completely different, different direction with this, but that's absolutely true, isn't it?

Speaker C: Yeah, we, we don't listen to, actually assimilate the information to, uh, understand the other person. We, and, and if you don't understand your client, your prospect, your one to one, your audience, if you don't understand them, you're not going to grow in business. Which means what question can I ask to gain clarity as to what's going on with you and how can I help and support you? It's not about me going, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, I do this, I do this, I do this, I do this. It's about Asking the right questions and pulling it out of you and then saying something like, so what I hear you saying is you really love this, and yet you're really struggling with it. And the person on the other side is going to go, oh, my gosh, you heard me. You hear me? Because right now, humans, human to human interaction is so important. Whether you're in a team, at work, at home, dating, on the road, I don't care. Humans just want to be seen, heard, and understood. It's that understanding factor which requires listening and asking the right questions.

Speaker B: Yeah. You know, last year I did a big listening campaign and, you know, some of it was very official where I was going out and speaking to people, women entrepreneurs, just asking a set of questions and listening. And some of it was just more organic, you know, having conversations on podcasts and, you know, different women that I was coming across. And it was one of the best things I had. And I've done this over time in my business where I like, pause and do some sorts of surveys. But this was the very first time that I actually did, like, face to face kind of interviews where we were, you know, I was really interviewing people and listening and going deeper with that. And it was, first of all, it was so much fun. Um, and I walked away with so much insight into what was going on for people right now. Um, and, you know, it's like at the speed of change that we go through on a, you know, year to year basis, heck, a month to month basis in this world, um, that listening and just asking those questions and listening can be just so powerful.

Speaker C: It is. We don't. We have a tendency, especially as entrepreneur, entrepreneurs, to assume to know. I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that you know, but we don't know. We don't know. So gaining that clarity, and that's my. That's been my word for the last five years, is clarity. It's clarity because with clarity comes trust. And with trust comes business, comes success, comes happiness.

Speaker B: That's good. So I know you work a lot with women and their visibility and their influence, but, uh, one of the things they don't want to do is sound salesy. And I hear this a lot. It's like, I don't want to sound salesy. I don't want to feel performative. Um, so how do you help people navigate that so that they're just truly being themselves and not sounding salesy?

Speaker C: Well, I would go deeper into what, what does salesy mean to you? Because that's the Itty bitty shitty committee kicking in. I don't want to sound salesy. So what does salesy sound like to you? And then just don't do that, right? To me. Like, have you ever been in a car dealership and you get the guy that's, like, glued to you and all of this and showing you the mirrors and all this stuff? And I'm like, all right, that's salesy to me. So for me, don't do that. What does salesy mean to you?

Speaker B: And it's so often what I find with my clients. It's. It's. They have a relationship with the word sales. That's. That's not even, um. You know, that's not even a true relationship. It's like they have this. This perception of what sales is.

Speaker C: Yeah, it's the stinking thinking. They think that this is. This is sales. But here's the thing. If. If you especially. I know we deal with a lot of women entrepreneurs here today. Your woman, chances are you've got a child in your life, whether it's yours or a family member.

Speaker B: All.

Speaker C: All of that. And if you want to eat them, to eat broccoli, giddy up. It's called sales. You've got to make it about them and why they need to eat it and the fact that it tastes delicious and it's wonderful. And you're selling. We're constantly selling others and systems and processes and shoes and skin care and this excellent perfume and this show. I mean, I'm sure there's a show that you've watched recently that you're like, oh, my God, this was the best thing. One of Cammy's podcasts. I mean, they're all pretty damn good, but which one did you see? Oh, everybody's got to listen to this podcast. And maybe it's this one. This is what we sell constantly. So take the us out of it and just speak up.

Speaker B: That's, uh, one of the things that I've been even talking to my clients about when we are talking about sales. And the sales conversation is they've come to you, right. If somebody's shown up on your doorstep and is wanting to engage with you and you just walk away because you don't want to feel salesy, or if you're taking them through a sales conversation and you kind of leave them hanging because you want the conversation to be comfortable, and instead you say, well, what if, you know, like, what's the bigger possibility here that I see? And so you're helping your clients see more for themselves so you can get out. I mean, there's so much that, uh, you can do that you can just take your clients through this journey. But it's your responsibility that you don't leave them hanging there with just trying for the sake of trying to keep it comfortable. Yeah.

Speaker C: Amen to that. It's not. It's not about comfortable. It's not about how can you bring your genius and solve their problem if you don't offer it to them. If you don't say, okay. And, uh, I've said this before. It's like, oh, my goodness. I just. I feel like I need to step into. I'm putting my coach's hat on right now. Do I have permission to do that? They always say yes. Yes. What do you got? So there's this, this, this amazing little technique. It's. It's da, da, da, da, da. It's this little framework. It's wonderful. It's one of the things that I do within my, you know, your, My program. So why wouldn't you give that to them? Why wouldn't you give and solve a problem that, you know, they're having?

Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker C: And you can't do that with it. I mean, change the sales word. If you don't like sales, call it something else.

Speaker B: Exactly. Yeah. It's relationship building. It's. It's. Yeah. So I think that's a great advice. And it's. If somebody is growing and building a business using their voice, that's part of the process, Right?

Speaker C: Exactly. And that's why I frame it when. When you're communicating, especially from stage or networking, the three Cs, captivate, connect and convert. It's not sell. I'm not one to speak to sell. I'm one to speak to, uh, convert. Because my juicy little lead magnet, which is free, might be exactly what you need. And so. But I'm going to tell you about it. I'm going to sell it to you, but I'm going to convert you. So. And talk to you in a way that you're like, oh, I need that.

Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. I love it. I love it, I love it. Okay, so you're going to be one of our. Speaking of speaking. You're going to be one of our speakers at Ignite this year. I am so excited to have you joining us, and we have such a wonderful lineup.

Speaker C: Um, you put on such an amazing program, and you have incredible people in that room, and I'm. I'm truly honored and fired up to be a part of this.

Speaker B: It's Going to be amazing. So tell us a little bit about. You're going to be talking about how speaking can be part of an important part of your growth strategy. Um, so tell us a little bit about what you're going to be bringing to the room.

Speaker C: So speaking is one of the top ways to grow your business. It true is I research it constantly. I'm not making this stuff up just because I'm a speaker. I'm always looking at it. Part, um, of National Speakers Association. Right. I am. I know the business of speaking and I'm constantly learning and growing. So I can tell you that speaking is something that you should do 100%. I do believe that. Um, so we're going to be talking a little bit about, you know, the, the, the business of speaking. It's not exactly, it's not just about the story. Right. There's so many layers to it. So without telling you too much, we're going to get into some of the later layers that going to make you feel a little more comfortable when it comes to speaking but you know, really make it an impact and a business strategy for your business.

Speaker B: So. Good. I can't wait. It's going to be amazing to have you there. And, um, so you want to be at Ignite. Um, we have early bird tickets on sale right now@kamigelner.com ignite. Definitely come join us. Um, and you can meet Kathy. There's, um, there's another question I wanted to ask you. So you've just, you've spent years helping people communicate in high stakes situations. What have you learned about getting people to truly listen and lean in like you were talking about? It's like. And as you watched people listening and leaning in, what have you learned about that? What's uh, what makes that happen?

Speaker C: Well, it's connecting to W with them at their level, but it's also paying attention to how you speak, say what you say. Because communication, it's less than 10% words. What is your energy, what is your body language, what is your face saying? All of that, because you can say the same word a bunch of different times, you change your tone and it's a different meaning. Now as you're in front of the room, as you're doing a one to one, as you're on this fantastic podcast, are you showing up like somebody who's got their poop in a group that's an expert that knows what they talk about? Are you smiling? Are you attracting? All of that is layered into communication. And so, you know, we think about Case after case after case that we tried in the courtroom, um, it is when we could tell that story in a way that it really. It got them, the audience, the jury, to laugh, to lean in. It made them smile. You know, they weren't at a church, feeling like they're being preached to. And the finger waving. Right. They actually connected. So if you can do. Step into that a little bit, it's

Speaker B: warmth, right, that they're feeling. Oh, yeah. Love that.

Speaker C: Everything. And this is how you go from being a good speaker to a great speaker.

Speaker B: Love it, love it, love it, love it. Okay, Kathy, so where can people learn more about you?

Speaker C: So they can find me on LinkedIn at Kathy Riley, but also sharing the shine.com. so I've got my website on there, I've got my freebies on there, my little gifts for you guys, all of that, and you can even schedule time with me if you would like. If there's something I said that resonates and that you want to. To, you know, poke around in my crazy little brain, I am happy to offer that. So sharing the shine.com.

Speaker A: awesome. I love that.

Speaker B: Okay, the final question I always close with is, what are three pearls of wisdom you'd like to leave with us today?

Speaker C: Ooh, just. Okay. Three pearls of wisdom. Let's think about this. Um, courage comes before confidence. So even though it feels uncomfortable, be courageous. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. And then I say that, um, embrace. Well, that's okay. Embrace. The suck is getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. And if somebody presents an opportunity to you and you feel this little pull. Yes. Um, don't listen to the itty bitty shitty committee, because your negative self talk will talk you out of anything that is different and not safe. And the beauty of growth happens when you're not in your safe zone, when you're out there growing.

Speaker B: Awesome. Awesome, Kathy. Thank you so much, my fellow horse friend. Um, so awesome to have you here today, and, um, thrilled to have you at Ignite this year. And, uh, so thanks for joining us.

Speaker C: Uh, truly an honor to be here and love everything you do and how you help shape women and their future. It's empowering.

Speaker B: Thanks, my friend. It was great spending time with you today.

Speaker C: My pleasure.

Speaker A: I hope you liked this episode of Extraordinary Women Radio. If you did, please share this podcast with your own special tribe of women and help spread the love, the dreams, and the inspiration. Are you ready to raise up your voice, your visibility in your business? I invite you to join me for my exclusive free online teachings I do each month to build more time prosperity and wealth prosperity in your business and life. Jump over to kamigelner.com and click on the Get Updates button at the top of my homepage. Let's add some soul and some strategy to your business growth and impact. We are being called till next time my friend. Listen to Live your heart, follow your dreams and be you.