Thriving as a Neurodivergent Comedian: a conversation with Darcy Michael | EDB 348

Speaker A: In this episode of Exploring Different Brains. If you watch my stuff before my diagnosis, it's not me, it's a character. You know, like, it's very much this bravado that I had on stage, this wall, uh, to protect myself. And I think, you know, like, you saw our live show. We're pretty raw, like, we're pretty honest in that show. Uh, and, uh, wait until the next one. But, you know, know, like, I think it's definitely. I've found freedom m in not putting, uh, on airs anymore and just being like, hey, listen, if you don't get my vibe, you don't have to be here. But this is what I'm putting out in the world, you know?

Speaker B: Hello, and welcome to Exploring Different Brains. I'm Sean Smith. I'm your host for today, and our guest is amazing. I. I can't wait. Uh, I first met Darcy Michael, uh, a few years ago. My wife surprised me with VIP tickets to show with Jer. It was hilarious. I laughed my butt off, uh, became Facebook friends with, with Darcy, and, uh, recently reconnected and super pumped to have you onto the podcast. One of the leading voices in Canada in comedy and fellow adhder, Darcy Michael. Welcome to the show.

Speaker A: Hey. Hey. Good to see you again. I have to tell you right off the bat that, you know, like, not to brag, but we meet a lot of people on tour, and when Candace, our assistant, mentioned, uh, this to me, and I instantly remembered because you had a T shirt right at the show, what was. It was differently abled. No.

Speaker B: Yeah, it's my brand, which, uh, is don't diss my ability.

Speaker A: That's the one.

Speaker B: And. And if you haven't checked your P.O. uh, box yet, they've arrived.

Speaker A: Oh, have they? Oh, okay. Amazing. Okay. It's probably at our Vancouver one, uh, which I'll get in. Uh, I think I go back to Vancouver next week, so. That's amazing. I'm super stoked. I, uh, know I remember meeting you and your wife, uh, and, uh, just vibing with the energy, you know, like the one, uh, the one benefit of our, uh, of our world now as we meet so many people. And, uh, because of the parasocial part, we also just get people coming up and telling us their life story right away. And I love it because I'm like, small talk. Give me the gossip, give me the things. That shirt, that branding was, uh, just stuck with me. So, uh, thanks for reaching out and having me on.

Speaker B: Uh, well, we really appreciate it. Uh, so let's get right into it. Um, first thing I want to ask is, how did you get your ADHD diagnosis? And was there some kind of pivotal event that led you to want to seek a diagnosis?

Speaker A: Yeah, uh, hilariously. And I'm not going to keep referencing back to my own book, which is available for pre order@darcy.com. uh, the very first chapter of my book is about that pivotal moment, uh, and it is true Canadiana for anyone that is a fan of Canadian comedy. I, uh, was sitting in LA in a overpriced, uh, mansion in the Hollywood Hills with my writing partner, two producers, and, uh, someone we had hired as a showrunner to help me. I was in the midst of developing a sitcom for CTV based on my life. This is back in 2017, 2018. And the showrunner I hired was Bruce McCullough from Kids in the hall, who is longtime icon, uh, and hero of mine. Really excited to get to work with him. And long story short, because you have to read it in the book. But, uh, during this writing process, at one point, Bruce asked me how long I had had ADHD for, and I just was frozen by the. Because it had never been suggested to me. And I was just like. I remember, like, in my head being like, who the fuck does this guy think he is? Who is he to tell me that I have just. Because I'm a little energetic and a little excited and blah, blah, blah, and stuck in my head for weeks. And I, you know, eventually I got home from this writing project and I mentioned it to Jer, and we both kind of laughed and I just. I couldn't shake it. So I started looking into it and I started to, uh, you know, like, have those moments when I was reading about it going, wait, like, ADHD isn't just some kid eating glue and running around the. The room in grade two. Like, you know, like, it can affect your emotions and it can affect your relationships and your ability to remember things. And. And it just kind of got the ball rolling. And so, you know, like, I did what everybody does. I started taking tests online, you know, just to, uh, like, ease into it. And then my tests were, were coming back that I didn't have it. And then Jer had the audacity to say, why don't I take it as you, because I'm going to be more honest with the answers. And sure enough, it came back that I was not only had adhd, but I was also a flaming homosexual.

Speaker B: Assessment for that.

Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, they did. They did. Typically, uh, when you bring your husband to your appointment, they go, hey, you might Be gay. Uh, but, uh, yeah, we. So I started, I started with like just talking to my gp, uh, and then from there I got a referral. And you know, like, I will always say that we. I realize that I come from a place of privilege that not everyone gets access, especially in a post Covid world where, uh, mental health is harder to access because people. The wait lists are crazy long. I was really lucky. Within, within three months of my conversation with Bruce, I was fully diagnosed adhd, uh, and since then have also been diagnosed, uh, with autism. So, uh, it continues to, to cl. I continue to unravel the mess. But, uh, yeah, it was, it was just like an eye opening experience to kind of, you know, like at first I just got diagnosed, got some drugs and then carried on with life. But it wasn't until like probably, yeah, Covid 2019, 2020 when I really started to learn about things like rejection sensitivity, dysphoria, uh, uh, time management. The ADHD iceberg really blew my mind saw when I saw like what we see above the surface and what was going on below. So, uh, it kind of was like it. Not that it gives you permission to live a messy life, but it definitely gave me permission to forgive myself for the first 40 years of my life, you know, because you go through that grieving process, which is, which is wild. It's so sad to be like, oh, who could I have been? Had I had this knowledge 20 years ago, I don't think I would have been a comedian. I don't necessarily know if I would be in the arts at all. Uh, but it's where, you know, it's where I followed the. I followed the distraction, I followed the squirrel of life to be where I am now. And I don't regret that. But it is something that I always tell people when they're going through the diagnosis. It was like, prepare to grieve. Prepare to be mad that it wasn't sooner.

Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. Uh, is. Is the autism diagnosis, like, more recent than the ADHD diagnosis?

Speaker A: Yeah, funny enough, it was, uh, about this time last year, uh, we started looking at it for Jer, my husband, uh, and we talk about it a lot in our new tour. Uh, because one of the things was I said to him, I was like, you know, like, I think it's time we start looking at some things for you. And so I started taking the tests for Jer this time. And it was around question seven on this one test. And I go, well, what the fuck does that have to do with autism? Like, thinking about myself and Being like, no, no. And so I switched to a new test in question 10. I was like, well no, no, that's, that's ADHD. And like, no, that's not anything. That's just how people live. And uh, and through that, as Jerry was like, I think we both might need to like, look at this. Um, and so I'm still very much, you know, like, I think a lot of it was when I started taking medication for adhd. Um, it really heightened my sensory issues, uh, because the noise was gone from my brain that I could really realize, oh, like this isn't just an ADHD thing. Like there's more going on in my brain. And uh, through that found out, yeah, like, I got a little touch of the tism.

Speaker B: Welcome to the world of the uniquely gifted and often misunderstood.

Speaker A: Amen.

Speaker B: Yeah, it's, it's interesting. So one of the other questions I had was, you know, what did the diagnosis do for you and did it help? Like you already kind of alluded to how it changed your outlook on things and gave you permission.

Speaker A: Yeah, you know, like, I think it gave me insight more than anything. Like it gave me a. And through our success online, it gave us a community to learn from. Uh, and you know, like, we, we always joke. We have these pop quiz for my stoner husband videos that are pretty popular. But really when you start, like when you remove part from it, you start to see like this has got nothing to do with weed and everything to do with adhd. Uh, and it was really through the comment section that we started to flag other parts of my, uh, ADHD that were we always kind of put off as me just being a stoner. And it was like, no, actually, like that's just you being completely overwhelmed. Uh, so yeah, it's, I think it's been, it's been an awesome experience to, to just learn about myself and uh, kind of find, you know, like you have to work hard to find the tools.

Speaker B: Mhm. Yeah, absolutely. Um, do you think having a career that involves you sharing so much of yourself helps more than it hurts your career?

Speaker A: Uh, yeah. Here's the thing. If you watch my stuff before my diagnosis, it's not me, it's a character. You know, like, it's very much this bravado that I had on stage, this wall, uh, to protect myself. And I think, you know, like, you saw our live show, we're pretty raw, like, we're pretty honest in that show and wait until the next one. But you know, like, I think it's definitely. I've Found fun freedom in not, uh, putting on airs anymore and just being like, hey, listen, if you don't get my vibe, you don't have to be here. But this is what I'm putting out in the world. You know, it. Yeah. I think there are times in the last 12 months that we've really struggled with our, you know, like, opening up your life to people the way we have has been really great. Until Jer got sick this year, and then we really went, oh, like, how do we navigate this while still maintaining privacy? Uh, you know, like, because without jumping the. The lily here, like, you know, we were supposed to be on tour last January for our second show, and Jer got diagnosed with, uh, with cancer. And we didn't want to just put out that statement going. Due to unforeseen circumstances, the tour is postponed for next year. Because we owe it to our audience. We. We've. We've created this mess, so we had to be public about it. And then it's just, like, trying to find that fine line of, like, you know, like, we try not to post a ton about Jer's process or anything, because we really are trying to, like, protect ourselves a little bit more. Uh, but at the same time, sometimes something hilarious happens, and we're like, okay, well, that. That's definitely shareable. So it's. Yeah, it's that constant, like, battle of what is available for you to share with the world, and what are you going to hold back? And, uh, when it comes to ADHD and, um, like, mental mental health, we really do try to lean more towards the positive side because we all know how terrible it is. I. You know, like, no one needs to see those videos of me being shut down for three days because I'm overloaded and I can't actually get off the couch, and I'm stuck in the sit pit. Like, that's not content. That's helping people. You know, like, that's just. Other than. It's relational, readable, for sure. But we. I always just say to Jer, whenever we go to post something, is it joyful? Is it hopeful? Is it funny? Or is it informative? Like, that's. That's all we care about.

Speaker B: Yeah. Uh, it's interesting because I. I kind of operate the other way. So for me, like, being a psychotherapist, when I have clients who say, like, I'm having difficult difficulty getting out of bed, like, I'll share with them the time where, like, you know, when you talk about the. The sit pit. Right. Like, days in bed.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: Right. And the highs will get us high, and the lows will sink us.

Speaker A: It's a. It's a tricky one because, you know, like, we want people to know that those things are normal and we'll allude to them, but we also know what our job is. When people are. When people are coming to watch our content, it's because they're already in the sit pit, and they need to be pulled out, and they need to. They need to be reminded, like, there's joy outside of this little machine that we're all so addicted to.

Speaker B: Well, I. I can tell you from personal experience, like, when I came to see you and Jer, I was in that funk. Like, I was recovering through burnout, and you guys did help me. You didn't know it, but it's always an ingredient, you know, like a recipe of ingredients that. That helps. Right? And for sure, guys were definitely one of the things I just got. Goosebumps were definitely one of the experiences for me that helped pull me out, for sure.

Speaker A: Oh, I'm glad. You know, like, it's something magical when you're in a room full of a thousand people that are all of the. The same mind. I think my favorite part of that tour was having people with ADHD stand up. Uh, because it was always like, 60, 70% of the audience would stand up and they'd look around each other, and it was. It wasn't even the joy it brought me. It was seeing the joy it brought everybody else in the theater to be like, okay, like, welcome home. You know, like, we've. We found our safe space. Like, it's like musical theater kids finding other musical theater kids. It's like, oh, my God, I can be myself. You know, one day, uh, when.

Speaker B: When you were referring to, like, the bravado that you would put out, like, that different personality when you reflect back, would you see that now? Would you consider that masking now?

Speaker A: Oh, yeah, I would. And I think it was. It's different. You know, like, you gotta think when I was first starting to tour comedy in, uh, in small towns in Canada and talking about my husband, uh, and stuff like back in the day, and, like, you know, 20 years ago, I'd be in Medicine Hat doing 10 or 15 minutes of jokes, and then I'd ease into this gay lifestyle stuff. So I think I learned early on that masking in. I think I learned when I was 5 years old and had to be, you know, like, hold back my. My gayness. Like, I think when you're queer, when you're adhd like neurodivergent and queer. You learn masking is not just to save yourself from awkward conversations sometimes it's literally to save your life. Life. Uh, and so for me, I felt like for the longest time on stage, I would have to put on this tougher m. Masculine Persona to enable straight people to enjoy my comedy. And, you know, now I just don't give a. You know, like, if I'm too gay for you, that's on you. Like, my favorite thing lately. Like, Jer, I don't think he's posted it yet, but he filmed me the other day. Someone left a nasty comment, and we normally ignore them, but he was like, oh, this person's got a complaint for you. And I was like, oh, well, then they can just call me and talk to me about it. And Jerry's like, well, they don't have your number. And I was like, exactly. And that's not mine, you know. Yeah, you got a problem with me, give me a call anytime. Oh, you don't have my number. Then you don't have a problem with me. You have a problem for yourself.

Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. Put in the non existent suggestion box.

Speaker A: Exactly. Yeah, yeah, I don't, uh, I definitely learned, uh, learned to stop giving zero on people's opinions.

Speaker B: That's awesome.

Speaker A: Yeah. It comes easier with success. I will say that, you know, Absolutely.

Speaker B: Yeah. Uh, so you've been really open about, um, you know, your cannabis use and, and psilocybin. And I'm curious to know, because we haven't talked about this on Different Brains before, what it does for you as someone with adhd. And I'm also curious if you're open to answering, you know, is it more cbd, a thc? Um, you know what? If you're open to talking about what kind of stuff. Sure. What it does for you.

Speaker A: I'd love to hear it. I'll talk about drugs all day long. I have a really. I like to think I have a really healthy relationship with drugs. And it took me a long time to find that. That thing. Uh, about 15 years ago, I started what I called the Oprah rule. Uh, and that was I wasn't allowed to smoke or ingest weed until Oprah came on, which was at the time, 4 o'. Clock. And I was like, that is a reasonable hour to smoke a little weed. Because I've gotten. Because I will say ADHD and weed. It. It's different for everybody. For me, I am not productive when I am, um, when I'm stoned, I can't be. Create I can't write. I can't do emails. I can't create content or any of that stuff. If I'm stoned, I'd never perform stone. That was something I started super early on in my career because I just knew. However, weed is a beauty for shutting my brain down, and I need that. I need that recharge. I need that time. You can't escape your brain. I'm always amazed. I'll ask Chairs, like, what are you thinking about? And he'll be like, nothing. And I. I'm. And I'm just like, what do you mean, nothing? Like, I have 47 thoughts going on in my brain right now while I'm having this conversation. Like, what is that? What is that like? And so I learned when it came to weed and, uh, pots was that it is my. It gives me my calm space to just kind of digest my day. And so my favorite time of day is usually like, now that Oprah's not on. I just, you know, decide when Oprah would be on in this day. But, like, I like to, uh, smoke a joint while I'm cooking dinner. I'll have a little edible. I really, uh, CBN is a big part of my nighttime routine. And I. I'm sure you're aware sleep is really hard for people with adhd. Uh, so I do. I do a little combo of melatonin and CBN and thc, uh, about an hour before bed to really help me get into the lala zone. Uh, and then, uh, now, mind you, you know, I'm not saying there aren't days where I wake up and go, oh, uh, we got all to do today. Let's get stoned and see where the trick takes me. I have a golden retriever, and I live by the water. So, you know, some days it's just going to be, let's go frolic in the ocean and, uh, and feel some jo. But, um, I think the thing that really changed everything for me was psilocybin. Uh, I watched this YouTube thing around the same time as the Bruce McCullough conversation. And I'm not the greatest with memory, so it could have been a little before then, but I watched this. This doctor talk about the success they were seeing over in. I want to say it was Norway at the time with psilocybin. And they were showing how they were using people with depression. Uh, and they were doing brain scans of them before psilocybin introduction and post psilocybin introduction. And specifically, I'd never heard the term microdose before. I Was like, what is this? I've only ever done mushrooms as a macro dose. You know, like, just get me completely up. Let's rock and roll. Uh, and in. In this, while I was watching this video, I was like, wow, I haven't actually done mushrooms in years because it would give me anxiety when I would take, you know, If I took 2 grams in a tea and, ah, I'd enjoy it for 10 minutes. And then I would have anxiety trying to come out of the high for four hours. And so I was like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna try this microdose thing. Like, I'm just gonna buy some mushrooms from friends. And so I did. And I would just. I had a little scale and I would weigh out like 0.15 of a gram. Uh, and. And it was instant, like, instantaneously. I was like, oh, I get it. Like, this actually is a little bit of a reset for the depression. The darkness, the. The noise. Uh, you know, like, I. I definitely was going through some hard times around then with a friend of mine being very sick from cancer, and I was trying to find my own joy. I was definitely done with standup at the time. Uh, and. And so I, uh, I would start. I'd start microdosing like, once every couple days. Now it's like, I dose. I dose maybe once a week, and that's like a day off day for me. Like, I'll be like, I'm gonna take a dose and go into the woods and hike with the dog for a couple hours and just disconnect. I don't take my phone. Uh, and I really just treat it as, like, I love feeling the lift of it. You know, the colors look a little brighter, the smells smell a little smellier. Uh, find it stays with me for days afterwards. Just that, like, peacefulness. And, uh, you know, that was the hardest part of our tour. Last time when we were doing the no refunds tour was we were all over the world. Uh, and so I realized it was like, wow, like, it's been three weeks since I've been able to take a dose, and I am feeling the effect of that more than, you know. Like, I can go days without taking 5amps for ADHD and completely forget the irony of that being a control side. Uh, but yeah, the, uh, psilocybin. I always like to tell people this story. I don't know if I've ever told it publicly, but, uh, I got so into it that I decided I was going to pill my own. This is before pills were available. And So I bought a pound of mushrooms, and I got a grinder. I got a pilling machine. This is before COVID but. So Jer's working. I. My friend Ashley had passed away, and I was like, I'm taking six months off to figure out my life. And, like, I think day three of that was, I'm gonna make mushroom pills. Uh, and so I go up into my office, completely naive and so stupid. I grind up a pound of mushrooms, which is a ton of. Yeah. Ah.

Speaker B: I'm trying to picture this in my head.

Speaker A: It's a lot. It's a lot. Like, it ended up being.

Speaker B: It had to be, like, a huge brick, right?

Speaker A: It was a brick. And it ended up being, like, 35, 100 pills when it was all said and done. Uh, but the thing I did is I didn't wear a mask and I didn't wear gloves, and I had all these, like, ground up. I inhaled this for five hours while I was pilling. I have never, never been close to religious until this day. But I. I met God, and we had a great time, uh, because I was so high from touching it and from inhaling it. My poor cat at the time was just completely. Three days. Jer came home from work, and I was just curled up in the bathtub with a duvet, just cry, laughing. And he. And he didn't even, like, ask what happened. He was just like, okay, I'm gonna. I'm gonna leave you to this, and we'll talk about it tomorrow. And I was like, all right, buddy. Uh, but, yeah, it was one of those things where I was like, this is working for me. I need to find a way to continue to make it work. And so I, uh. I was pilling mushrooms and handing them out to friends like it was Halloween. Like, you gotta try this. It's great. And now it's everywhere. Uh, I don't know if it is for you guys, but out west, like, there's mushroom dispensaries and stores all over the place.

Speaker B: It's not, um. We have it. It's not mainstream yet, but on our, uh, first nations reservations, they're able to sell things that.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: Other private businesses couldn't because it's government run.

Speaker A: Yeah.

Speaker B: Um, but, uh, so they do. But it's not. Not a huge selection, but it is available global.

Speaker A: Yeah. And, you know, like, I think it's gonna be like, uh, how. You know, 10 years ago, weed was just weed, and now it's like, what do you. You know? And I think mushrooms, uh, are slow. People are slowly Realizing that there's so many different types and stuff and you know, like, if there's anything that we should continue to learn from is the first nations cultures know how to cultivate things that the land gives us to make us feel better. And Mushrooms has been. They've been around for. Than Molly. And uh. And there's a reason for it. Like, it, It. It helps.

Speaker B: Absolutely. Yeah. And it's not talked about a lot, so I'm really glad that, that you did because, uh, kind of get like, if people microdose and they do it correctly, it gives you like this melancholy, melancholy feeling. Right? It's. It's kind of like things are okay for a little bit.

Speaker A: Yeah. It's, uh, it's a warm hug. And I talk about it with my doctors very openly. Like they. I took them study after study to be like, this is show. Like, there are days where I'm like, maybe I should be on an antidepressant as well as Vyvanse for my adhd. And then I'm like, no, it just means I need a dose. You know, like, they, uh, they're seeing these. The. With people with, uh, mania, manic depression, ptsd. The. When they're doing these brain scans, pre dosage and then post dosage, they are seeing parts of the brain that were completely dormant during these depressive states activate again. And they. And then after the dose, they stay active for weeks or months or even years. Like, some people just need one macro treatment and they're. They're fine. So I, uh, I always say to people, I'm like, don't, you know, like, everyone's journey is their own. I'm not here to say, hey, everybody, go take mushrooms. But I am going to say that when I embraced it, that I found a happier life.

Speaker B: I. I think it's a good message to share. Um, can you tell us about the tour you and your husband Jer have coming up for 20, 26?

Speaker A: Yeah, it's. It's called average at best. Uh, although I, I wish, uh, we could change it to not dead yet. This one is definitely, uh. This one's definitely going to be a little more closer to home for Jer and I. Uh, we originally took it as, uh, like it was written last year year as a celebration of the average life. And uh, something that Jer and I have really learned over the last five years with our success is how much we yearn for simplicity. Uh, you know, like, we could very much be living in LA and doing all the stupid things that, you know, like People with our success are doing. And we, we learned quickly that that was not the life for us. Uh, and that we wanted. You know, like, we moved away from Vancouver. We live on Vancouver island now. We have a little half of an orchard. And uh, you know, like, half the time we're in our pajamas most of the year when we're home. Because we, we really learned like that, hey, man, like, average is best. Like, it is the. It's. And I think sometimes people forget. We get so caught up in this forward motion of like, you got to get the nicest car, you got to have the best house, you gotta have money in the bank. And it's like, none of that matters. If we've learned anything in the last year with everyone around me trying to die is that none of it matters. You are not laying on your deathbed thinking about the Range Rover that you could have had. You know, like, you're, uh, you're thinking about those moments of like, looking across at your partner and watching them burst out laughing because they felt joy in a moment. Uh, and so I think it was. We really just want to set out to remind people that like, like you probably already have what you want, you know, like, and that's, that's okay. Like it, uh, like we said for years, I spent 20 years chasing this dream in comedy. And in that time, it took me 20 years to realize I was actually leaving behind what I, what the dream was, which was my daughter and my husband. Uh, and so for me, now it's just about time. Time together. It sucks because Jer will be in treatment during the, the tour. We were really hoping that he, uh, you know, like, that we'd be celebrating a cancer free Jer on the road. Uh, it's not the case, but he has been given clearance to tour. And so we'll be touring for like six weeks. We'll go home for a few weeks where he'll get treatment and then we'll have, have uh, another round of round, uh, of tour. And I, trust me, you know how much I hate working. I want, I don't want to go. And it's Jared, he really is the one that's like, we're doing this. Like, I, he needs it. I think he, yeah, he needs the joy right now.

Speaker B: Sure. Yeah. Well, I know, like, for my wife and I, um, following you guys on Tick Tock, you know, we're not religious people, but we've been sending positive vibes your way.

Speaker A: Uh, appreciate it. Yeah, we're, we're pretty spoiled that way. Like we, uh, We. We see people all the time, and it's just like, anytime we see someone, they're just wanting the best for Jer and, uh, and for my mom, you know, like, my mom's been, uh. She was the one that got sick first last year. Uh, and she's on, my God, she just had her 11th month of chemo and is just this warrior. Uh, but it's such a weird, uh. It's that weird. Just a position. Like, I remember walking home from my mom's hospital. I was walking from her hospital to Jer's hospital, of course, because they couldn't be at the same one. And I was just sobbing, just, like, crying uncontrollably at how much my world imploded in a matter of, you know, mom got s. Sick. And within seven days of mom getting sick, Jer was sick, and I was just. And that was. Well, we were supposed to be leaving for this second world tour. My book was finished. We were doing, like, everything was supposed to be incredible, and it's imploding. And I was walking across the Cambie street bridge in Vancouver, and a fan recognized me, and, like, I had sunglasses on so they couldn't see that I was crying. And they were just so excited at how happy I had made them that in that moment of, oh, I want to jump off this bridge to get out of this interaction, I was reminded that, hey, you exist to help pull me out of this as well. So it's. Yeah, it's. It'll be good for. I think it'll be good for Jared and I to get out there and just be reminded that, you know, beyond the. The likes and comments and stupid on our phones, like, there's real humans behind. Find the joy that we're trying to celebrate.

Speaker B: Absolutely. Is there anything that you do that's, like, kind of major to prepare for a tour this size?

Speaker A: Yeah, we, uh. I take a lot of time to recharge because it's socially, like I think we were saying before we started recording, like, my days on the road, especially this time around, like, we'll get to a City at 10am at noon, I'll be at a book signing. At 3 o', clock, we'll be doing VIP meet and greets. At 5 o', clock, we'll be Doing other meet and greets. 7 o', clock, we're on stage. 11 o', clock, we're done. But we're doing the meet and greets for all the ADHD years that showed up late and forgot. And then we're Getting on. And then we get on the bus and we do it all again the next day. And so for me, Jer and the team knows, like, the week leading up to the tour, I'm not going to talk a lot. I'm, um, really going to be. Lego has become my. My safe space. Like, nothing, nothing brings me more peace than sitting and building a Lego with a TV show on and my headphones in and noise cancel out. And so that's. That's what I'll be. Uh, I've been doing it this week, even. I'm building the Titanic right now. It's very exciting, uh, much to my team's chagrin, because I have a ton of deadlines that I'm trying to reach right now. And I'm like, no, I need to just, uh. You know, I think if I've learned anything about my mental health is that for every five minutes that I put out, uh, energy, uh, it takes 10 for me to recharge that. Uh, and before I would burn out really fast. And so now it's like, how can we stop the burnout? Because, you know, you're going to see us on night three of our tour, and you deserve the same energy that the person that's seeing me on night 40 of our tour deserves. And so for me, it's like, how can I make that? Sure. Make sure that these people are getting their money's worth and I'm not going insane? And so, you know, from 11:00pm to 11:00am, I won't speak.

Speaker B: Yeah, it's your voice and your energy.

Speaker A: Yeah. And it's just. It's more like the, uh, the emotional energy that I'm just like, I just need to find. Find peace. And it'll probably be with a giant gum.

Speaker B: Me. Can you tell us about your book? Attention, uh, Seeker Neurodivergent Comedians Guide to Thriving with adhd.

Speaker A: Yeah, you know, this one's. I think it's the greatest thing I've ever created. I'm not going to lie. Like, I am, Um, I try to be a humble Canadian most of the time. This was four years of dedicated hard work, because when the publishers asked me to write this book, I was like, there's no way I can write a book. I haven't been able to read a book in 20 years. How am I going to write a book? And that was the. The catalyst where I was like, wait, that means people just like me can't read books? So how can I write a book for them and me? Uh, and so I really wanted to Create a book that was, it's, it's a memoir for sure. It's looking back on my life now that I have the diagnosis and going, how could I have lived this scenario differently? Uh, and it gives tips and tricks for people. You know, like, you might not find this story relatable, but here's a situation I think there's a lot of, um, like I talk a lot about rejection, sensitivity, dysphoria, and how I didn't realize how many relationships I had ruined in my life, uh, because of it, because of creating these scenarios in my head. And so I give an example. One chapter is an example about that and then it follows up with, here are the signs that you can put into your everyday use. So it is, I really stress that it's a self help book for the author only, however, you might find some helpful things. And I also wrote it with an homage to my favorite books growing up, which was choose your own adventure, which is an ADHD kid's dream. Uh, so the, every chapter ends with a choose your own distraction. So you, you can read the book traditionally or you can read it by jumping chapters around and stuff. So it's really. I try to celebrate the good side of adhd, but I very much also talk about the bad sides a little more. It's just such a different medium for what I'm used to that like to get, you know, like I just finished recording the audiobook. I think it's 10 hours long and it's like, well, when have I ever had 10 hours of anyone's attention. Attention to talk about this.

Speaker B: Yeah, well, and, and congratulations. Like, I, I know that people are pre ordering, but it's already number one on Amazon's pre order list, is it not?

Speaker A: Yeah, it was cool. Yeah, it, it blew up pretty fast, which is terrifying but also exciting because it doesn't come out for January 27th is when it comes out. But you have this three month window of pre orders that the publishers are just like down your neck being like, you haven't mentioned your book and videos in 20, 24 hours. And it's like, oh my God. Yeah, it's not even available yet. Like my people want to buy things now and get it now. So yeah, it, uh, I'm excited. I hope people dig it. It's very vulnerable at times and that's terrifying for me to just be real with the audience because, you know, even though I don't have the bravado, I'm still, I decide what gets shown out in the world. And this one Is very much. Here's the story. Story. Like, you want to know how I met Jerry? You want to know how we almost got divorced? 10 years in. Like, dive in. Like, it's not all rainbows and butterflies, but hopefully the jokes are good enough that you want to read the next chapter.

Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, you didn't finish the line. It's. It's not rainbows and butterflies. It's compromise that moves us along.

Speaker A: Oh, hey, I didn't know that.

Speaker B: Maroon 5.

Speaker A: Oh, right. Hilarious. Yeah. I always say rainbows and butterflies because anytime Jer says he's not thinking about anything, I just picture that in his brain. But I didn't realize I was maybe half referencing a Maroon 5 song.

Speaker B: There you go.

Speaker A: Adhd of me to only know half of a lyric.

Speaker B: I know the book's not out yet. Are there any tips from the book that you might want to share with our listeners?

Speaker A: Yeah, I think, uh, just. I'll stick with the RSD stuff for now. I think the thing. Thing that I will always tell people when they're making up conversations in their head about a relationship scenario is you have to bring facts to the table. What are the facts? You know, like, had you rescheduled this meeting with me or even canceled this meeting with me? There are so many ways RSD can take over that scenario where, oh, you're not relevant anymore, Darcy. Like, oh, you don't actually know what you're talking about. About. Or they don't actually think you're funny. Like, there's all these things. What are the facts? The facts are Sean was unable to make today's meeting. Exhale. That's all you know, and that's all you might ever know, and that's okay. But allowing yourself to fill in the blanks is where your overactive brain is actually being detrimental to your mental health and to your relationship. I had, uh. You know, like, I. People don't talk about losing friendships a lot. We talk about breakups all the time, uh, with. With, like, intimate partners. But, you know, I had a best friend that we had a huge falling out six years ago, and, uh, we've never spoken since. And I mourn losing him all the time because of now, knowing I did it. It was me, me. Like, it was my RSD that put us in this position where he couldn't. He couldn't win anymore. And it blew my mind when I learned about it, because I was like, wow. Like, how many other friendships have I had over the years that I have let go of or had falling outs and, uh, I really started to look back at it and go, wow, I. Turns out I am the asshole. You know, like, turns out I am the problem sometimes. And, and so I just, I urge anyone that finds themselves in those spiraling moments to get a pen and paper and write down the actual facts that you know of in this situation and stare at them because you'll be gobsmacked at how much your brain fills in the blank.

Speaker B: Absolutely. Uh, yeah. I try to get people to like, stop thinking about the what ifs and let's focus on the what is.

Speaker A: Yeah, no, that's literally what what I say. Cause I'm like, you're, you know, a lot of the time we're having. What's that Anxiety is fear, uh, of tomorrow, uh, a lot of the time. And it's like, well, you know, tomorrow's tomorrow. Like, you can't, you can't control that you can control right now. And, uh, if you know what you're, what you're panicking. Panicking about in regards to a relationship, uh, like, sometimes the facts suck. And that's okay too, where you're like, no, actually Sean said that you're not funny and he doesn't want to do the show with you. And it's like, oh, okay, okay, I'll work through that in therapy next week. At least now I know. But it's when you don't know that you're just creating. Like, I always get out of the shower and tell jer I won 4 out of 5 arguments in my head today. So I'm doing pretty good. And, uh, and it is like, I know so many people that are neurodivergent that have those full on conversations in their head to the point that they've convinced themselves.

Speaker B: Absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker A: It's almost real, it's tangible, and it's like none of it's real. Dude, chill out.

Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, it's, it's, it's wild how, you know, something so small can occupy so much space in our mind and just steal our mental energy.

Speaker A: For sure. Yeah, it, uh, we, you know, like, we are, as RuPaul says, our self saboteur is the most active part of our brain all the time. And, uh, between that and, uh, what's the. Oh my God, I'm going to forget the word and it's going to drive me nuts. It's so adhd, impostor syndrome, uh, imposter syndrome. Something that I suffer from a lot. And it's something that I have to like, constantly remind myself that everybody has it there isn't a single person that isn't, you know, unless they're sociopath, they're questioning their value in their position. And. And you know, like, uh, like I'm an author now. What? Like, that's not true. And it's like. No, it is. You wrote a book. You're an author.

Speaker B: Welcome.

Speaker A: That's all it takes.

Speaker B: Best selling author.

Speaker A: Yeah. All right, let's see.

Speaker B: Uh, let's.

Speaker A: The only thing that matters is New York Times bestseller, apparently. So you'll get there. Yeah, we'll see. And if I don't, I don't. That's the only thing that I've come to learn is like, okay, okay, so I'm not the number, you know, in the top 100 books around the world. That's doesn't mean it's not a success. Uh, all I care about is the people that spend their hard earned money, especially in today's financial climate, feel like they got something out of it.

Speaker B: Absolutely. How does Jer help you with your ADHD and autism? Like, how does he help level you out?

Speaker A: Oh, oh. Not to reference the book again, but there's a really beautiful thing that when I talk about meeting Jer, uh, for the first time and learning that other people's energy just take. They meld with yours so beautifully. Jer is the calm to my storm. You know, he is the, uh, he is the force that. That when he sits next to me, I just feel my heart rate lower and I can breathe and the noise is kind of quiet. Uh, he's really good a. He's really good at knowing my triggers. So, uh, and that takes, you know, we've been together 24 years, so, you know, and especially we've learned more in the last five years about triggers and stuff. But, uh, he makes sure I'm fed. He, uh, makes sure that I am hydrated, especially during hyper fixations. You know, like when I was writing the book, the irony was, yeah, I would be writing for 11 hours a day sometimes when I was really in the thing. And all of a sudden as I'm writing, I'd look over and there'd be three different drinks beside me and a sandwich because he doesn't know what I'm. Do I want hot? Do I want cold? Do I want sweet? He doesn't know. So he's like, here's the three options for your beverages, and here's some food. Please eat. Uh, so he's really good. At least like, that part of just knowing my creative side needs to flow, but also I need to function as a human being still. Uh, and, uh, and he's also. He can just read when I need to be quiet, you know, like when, uh, last night. Our daughter's staying with us right now for a visit. Uh, and I'm. I've just been. I've been filming this other TV show and working on, uh, the new live show, and just a ton of deadlines with the tour and stuff. Uh, and he knew that I just needed a Lego night. And so the two of them went off to the guest room and watched a movie. And the Lego was all like, set up, ready for me. And it was just like. It's just so nice when someone gets it. When someone just goes, okay, he's gonna burn out if he doesn't. And sometimes you know what it's like when you're just caught in that rhythm of like, just go until you completely collapse. Apps. Uh, so he's just really good at making sure at the end of the day, the just making sure I'm paying his bills so he knows that I'm no good to him if I'm burnt out, you know, so he's just trying to. He's trying to make sure he's like, yeah, I'll make him a sandwich so I can keep playing video games and not worry about, uh, about it. But it's been a, you know, like this year our roles have reversed a ton. Like, not only am I the corporate stooge, but, like, I've had. I'm caring for him a lot. Lot. And the, uh, the irony was, like, finishing the book last year before we went on tour made. I had a entire book of tools to help me take care of Jer. Uh, which was. Which I was really. I was really lucky for because, you know, he took care of me for 23 years. And this year it's been. It's been really reversed. And, uh, and so far I haven't it up too much. I only. I took my mom. I took my mom to the wrong hospital one day and left her at Jer's hospital. And, uh, and that was. Other than that, I've been pretty on the ball because, uh, there was one day I had to. My dad was having surgery, Jer was having treatment, and my mom was having treatment all at three different hospitals. And I had two golden retrievers with me. Uh, and I was like, we're going to get this done. And we all got in the cancer mobile and I got everyone to work where they needed to be on time, and everyone was picked up and I was like, all right, we're, we're just doing it.

Speaker B: Yeah. That's incredible.

Speaker A: It's been a weird year.

Speaker B: Yeah. Is, is there any advice you would give to, you know, autistic ADHD budding comedians that are just trying to get started?

Speaker A: Oh, don't do it. You know, like, it's a really hard job because you, it's instant gratification and it's also instant rejection. Uh, and I, I, you know, like, I'm glad I didn't know about my ADHD when I first started because I was just too stupid and just kept plowing through. But it is really hard to constantly be rejected. And that is something that you have to, you got to find the tool that works for you to get past that. That. Unfortunately for me, for the longest time that tool was food. Uh, and it took me a long time to really clock that and find a healthier pattern to deal with the, the rejection of a bad show or even a bad joke. I auditioned for 200 rolls a year probably and maybe book one. And that's, uh, still like the, the game I'm playing. Even with the success we have, I'm still getting rejected. Rejected every day for something. And so you really have to get a little bit of thick skin. But also just try, just try the thing. Try the thing. Who cares? Zoom out on Google Earth anytime you feel like you aren't worthy to be here. Because none of us are worthy. This world is huge. We are tiny little specks of dust in the universe. If one of those specks of dust is, just wants to yap for a bit, let it yap, you know, like it, life's too short. Just, just try the thing. And if the thing makes you happy, keep doing the thing. Unless that thing is heroin, then I don't recommend it. Uh, but you know, try micro dosing. But I think for me, the thing that I, that like, when it comes to tangible advice for a comedian, record every set and listen to, to the set every night after the show to get the real. Because when you're up there you go, oh yeah, I crushed. I got two big laughs. Yeah, you got two big laughs over 12 minutes. That means there were 11 and a half minutes where people weren't laughing. Why not find that hole and fill it? I would drive home from shows, uh, in Vancouver, we lived about an hour outside the city in Ladner. And I would drive home and listen to my 7 minute set on repeat to be like, where can it get better? Where? You know, and it really helped me go okay. My laughs per minute ratio needs to be five, and right now it's one. How can I get. Where's. Where can I get. How can I tell a story while still making people laugh? Mhm. Yeah. And a lot of the time, great advice. A lot of the time I write the story without the jokes. So I'm like, what are the facts of the story? And then find the jokes afterwards.

Speaker B: It is. Yeah. Oh, I think it's a great suggestion for, for people who are looking to find you online. Where can they learn more about your work?

Speaker A: Just type in Darcy anywhere. Uh, Darcy and Jer.com is kind of like the home landing, but, uh, if. I think if you just type in Darcy on any platform, it'll probably take you to.

Speaker B: I. I agree. I. I was googling you earlier. Super easy to find on every platform imaginable.

Speaker A: It's par. It's terrifying. I can't wait. I can't wait to retire and delete it all.

Speaker B: Darcy, thank you so much for being our guest today. Thank you again. Keep up the great work and look forward to seeing your next show.

Speaker A: Thanks, buddy. And you too. Keep up the great work. This is good stuff you're doing. Exploring Different Brains is a production of Different Brains. Visit us@differentbrains.org.