Physically Present, Emotionally Absent: The Leadership Gap Destroying Your Influence

1 00:00:00,000 - > 00:00:02,720 Ja'Quan Lavender: It's not true. Rest is more important than the 2 00:00:02,720 - > 00:00:07,360 work. If I'm trying to pour from an empty cup, there's no way I 3 00:00:07,360 - > 00:00:11,840 can fill that cup. You gotta rest first and then pour. 4 00:00:29,590 - > 00:00:31,910 Ralph Owens: Welcome back to Leadership Sovereignty Podcast. 5 00:00:31,910 - > 00:00:35,830 We are continuing with the, conversation with Mr. JaQuan 6 00:00:35,830 - > 00:00:38,630 Lavender. It's been a fantastic conversation. And JaQuan, we 7 00:00:38,630 - > 00:00:40,230 talked about your origin story. 8 00:00:40,230 - > 00:00:43,845 We talked about your philosophy. So let's get into the method. 9 00:00:43,845 - > 00:00:46,085 Right? Mentorship is at the center of everything that you 10 00:00:46,085 - > 00:00:49,525 do. But I think mentorship is one of the most understood words 11 00:00:49,525 - > 00:00:50,485 in leadership. 12 00:00:50,485 - > 00:00:53,925 You know, what does mentorship look like for you, and what does 13 00:00:53,925 - > 00:00:54,645 it cost you? 14 00:00:54,645 - > 00:00:58,130 Ja'Quan Lavender: I would say mentorship is just simply being 15 00:00:58,130 - > 00:01:01,090 a servant. You know, Jesus said whoever wants to be great among 16 00:01:01,090 - > 00:01:04,210 you, let him be a servant first. So I think when you when you 17 00:01:04,210 - > 00:01:07,090 serve, you're you're a true leader. It's it's gonna cost you 18 00:01:07,090 - > 00:01:09,330 a lot. You know, you're not thinking about yourself, you're 19 00:01:09,330 - > 00:01:10,130 thinking about other people. 20 00:01:10,485 - > 00:01:13,685 Right. You letting go of what you want, and you paying the 21 00:01:13,685 - > 00:01:17,125 people first. That's a true leader, that's a true servant, 22 00:01:17,125 - > 00:01:19,765 and just taking care of the people, having compassion for 23 00:01:19,765 - > 00:01:23,285 them, and actually loving them, and not expecting anything back. 24 00:01:23,285 - > 00:01:25,620 Ralph Owens: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's that's 25 00:01:25,620 - > 00:01:27,860 something that's interesting that when we talk about 26 00:01:27,860 - > 00:01:31,380 mentorship, we never think about the cost that comes along with 27 00:01:31,380 - > 00:01:31,780 it. 28 00:01:31,780 - > 00:01:35,140 Right? And and it's not just giving some simple advice. 29 00:01:35,140 - > 00:01:37,860 Right? It's consistency. It's it's making time in your 30 00:01:37,860 - > 00:01:38,180 schedule. 31 00:01:38,605 - > 00:01:41,965 It's, you know, I I'm one of these people that when I get 32 00:01:41,965 - > 00:01:44,845 focused on something, I don't like to be interrupted. Right? 33 00:01:44,845 - > 00:01:47,965 Because I I you know, my my mind is in such a high gear and a 34 00:01:47,965 - > 00:01:51,645 high mode of execution. And when I get interrupted, then I got to 35 00:01:51,645 - > 00:01:54,045 start over, I gotta get myself back up to that place. Right? 36 00:01:54,370 - > 00:01:57,330 And I remember once, you know, the Holy Spirit told me, you 37 00:01:57,330 - > 00:02:00,210 know, well, Jesus was interrupted all the time. And 38 00:02:00,210 - > 00:02:03,170 when you read through the Bible, you hear it. You know? He was he 39 00:02:03,170 - > 00:02:06,130 he had just finished healing all these people, he was tired, and 40 00:02:06,130 - > 00:02:07,845 somebody came and got him. Right? 41 00:02:07,845 - > 00:02:11,765 You know? And it also taught me the value of this kind of a side 42 00:02:11,765 - > 00:02:14,885 topic of being able to give yourself recovery, because it 43 00:02:14,885 - > 00:02:17,285 would talk about how he would go up in a mountain by himself. 44 00:02:17,285 - > 00:02:20,085 Right? He would go out in wilderness by himself. Right? 45 00:02:20,085 - > 00:02:22,630 So he can give himself time to recover. But, you know, I I 46 00:02:22,630 - > 00:02:24,950 think it's it's it's it's understated, and it's it's 47 00:02:24,950 - > 00:02:28,710 important to to to really draw out the fact that mentorship 48 00:02:28,710 - > 00:02:32,150 actually costs the mentor something. Right? It's not just 49 00:02:32,150 - > 00:02:34,790 something that is, oh, I'll just give it to you in my spare time. 50 00:02:35,275 - > 00:02:35,595 Right? 51 00:02:35,595 - > 00:02:37,595 You know, that kind of thing. You really gotta be intentional 52 00:02:37,595 - > 00:02:39,515 about those things. But, you know, what does that bring to 53 00:02:39,515 - > 00:02:40,235 mind for you, Terry? 54 00:02:40,235 - > 00:02:46,155 Terry Baylor: Man, look, anytime that you are going to deposit, 55 00:02:46,155 - > 00:02:52,290 you gotta be in a position to recover. So, JaQuan, I would 56 00:02:52,290 - > 00:02:57,330 love to hear what that means to you, especially as a elite 57 00:02:57,330 - > 00:03:01,890 athlete. I don't know if there's anything, you know, more 58 00:03:01,890 - > 00:03:05,985 physically draining than the 400. And so I really wanted to 59 00:03:05,985 - > 00:03:07,585 dig into that a little bit. Right? 60 00:03:07,585 - > 00:03:11,345 Because as you prepare for that race, all the you know, because 61 00:03:11,345 - > 00:03:14,865 my son with him and our dad, we ran ten three hundreds today. We 62 00:03:14,865 - > 00:03:18,625 ran, you know, all the different iterations you guys have to do. 63 00:03:18,950 - > 00:03:24,790 But what do you have to do to recover to be ready for 64 00:03:24,790 - > 00:03:28,230 whatever, next day's practice or next week's race? And how have 65 00:03:28,230 - > 00:03:32,625 you taken that into what you do today? Because you are giving 66 00:03:32,625 - > 00:03:36,305 to, man, our most precious commodity, in my opinion, is the 67 00:03:36,305 - > 00:03:36,705 youth. 68 00:03:36,705 - > 00:03:39,905 Ja'Quan Lavender: Mhmm. So when I was a 400 runner, when we had 69 00:03:39,905 - > 00:03:44,590 to recover, as I began to get into the professional, It's the 70 00:03:44,590 - > 00:03:48,030 little things, extra stretching, taking a day off and going 71 00:03:48,030 - > 00:03:52,110 swimming, lower exercise, so you do some biking, just going for a 72 00:03:52,110 - > 00:03:55,070 walk. You know, just the just the little things. You focus on 73 00:03:55,070 - > 00:03:57,790 your core. You can spend a whole day just swimming and then going 74 00:03:57,790 - > 00:03:59,485 to the gym and you just do core workout. 75 00:03:59,485 - > 00:04:02,845 You don't touch the weights. Eat more food, drink a lot of water. 76 00:04:03,005 - > 00:04:05,805 Do your favorite things. You just it's almost like a time 77 00:04:05,805 - > 00:04:10,525 just to reflect and enjoy life because track is so taxing. All 78 00:04:10,525 - > 00:04:13,560 you think about, I gotta run fast, I gotta run fast, I gotta 79 00:04:13,560 - > 00:04:15,880 go do this workout, I'm not gonna get faster. 80 00:04:15,880 - > 00:04:21,000 And it's it's not true. Rest is more important than the work. If 81 00:04:21,000 - > 00:04:24,520 I'm trying to pour from an empty cup, there's no way I can fill 82 00:04:24,520 - > 00:04:28,975 that cup. Wow. It's like, you gotta rest first and 83 00:04:28,975 - > 00:04:30,335 Ralph Owens: then how no work. 84 00:04:30,335 - > 00:04:35,215 Terry Baylor: Rest is more important than the work. He just 85 00:04:35,215 - > 00:04:40,220 didn't blew my whole I got to start over, Ralph. I got to I 86 00:04:40,220 - > 00:04:45,100 got to start over, bro. You mean rest? I feel like Iverson, you 87 00:04:45,100 - > 00:04:46,140 talking about rest. 88 00:04:46,140 - > 00:04:48,380 Ja'Quan Lavender: But if you think about it though, remember 89 00:04:48,380 - > 00:04:52,540 when the disciples came back, when he sent them out and there 90 00:04:52,540 - > 00:04:56,195 was a side that, you know, we cast out demons in your name. 91 00:04:56,195 - > 00:04:59,315 And what's the first thing they did? He said, come and rest. 92 00:04:59,315 - > 00:05:02,995 Come and rest. After all that ministry where he said, and 93 00:05:02,995 - > 00:05:03,555 rest. 94 00:05:03,555 - > 00:05:06,515 And then while they was resting, that's when the multitude came 95 00:05:06,515 - > 00:05:10,090 and they had to go back to work. But there was a time that they 96 00:05:10,090 - > 00:05:13,690 had to rest because in order for them to go out and do the work, 97 00:05:13,770 - > 00:05:17,130 they had to be replenished mentally, physically, but also 98 00:05:17,130 - > 00:05:18,570 spiritually to go do that. 99 00:05:18,570 - > 00:05:21,130 Ralph Owens: So so tie that into how you mentor young people. 100 00:05:21,675 - > 00:05:24,715 You're constantly giving of yourself, you know, to to try to 101 00:05:24,715 - > 00:05:27,755 pour into them so that they can be a prudent leader. But what 102 00:05:27,755 - > 00:05:30,715 does that cost you as the mentor, and what do you have to 103 00:05:30,715 - > 00:05:34,080 do to build yourself back up so that, to your point, you know, 104 00:05:34,080 - > 00:05:36,560 your cup is empty now because you've given it out loud. How 105 00:05:36,560 - > 00:05:39,040 are how are you replenishing that? It costs a lot. 106 00:05:39,040 - > 00:05:41,440 Ja'Quan Lavender: You got kids after sessions pulling on me. 107 00:05:41,440 - > 00:05:44,400 Mister Lavender, you know, this is going on at home. And mister 108 00:05:44,400 - > 00:05:48,080 Lavender, I wanna learn about the Bible. So I gotta be able to 109 00:05:48,545 - > 00:05:51,425 stop what I'm doing, spend an extra five to ten minutes with 110 00:05:51,425 - > 00:05:52,705 that young man. Okay. 111 00:05:52,705 - > 00:05:56,065 Tell me what's going on at home. I'm hearing it. And then I'm 112 00:05:56,065 - > 00:05:59,825 feeling like, wow, this is a lot. So mentally, I'm like, you 113 00:05:59,825 - > 00:06:02,385 know, it's just coming into my spirit. So I'm like, okay, 114 00:06:02,640 - > 00:06:03,600 here's what to do. 115 00:06:03,600 - > 00:06:07,040 So I give them that advice. Then I got to turn my face this way. 116 00:06:07,120 - > 00:06:09,520 Mister Lavender, you know, I want to learn about Jesus. And 117 00:06:09,520 - > 00:06:11,920 then the six of them asking me this. So I got to sit down for 118 00:06:11,920 - > 00:06:13,840 twenty minutes to talk about the Bible. 119 00:06:13,840 - > 00:06:15,520 So then when I was trying to leave the school, here come 120 00:06:15,520 - > 00:06:18,105 another young man, mister Lavender. Mister Lavender. And 121 00:06:18,105 - > 00:06:22,025 then they got me on Instagram. They got my phone number. So I'm 122 00:06:22,025 - > 00:06:22,745 getting phone calls. 123 00:06:22,745 - > 00:06:28,425 I'm getting text messages. So in order for me to be able to fill 124 00:06:28,425 - > 00:06:32,050 my cup, I may not respond back as quick as they want to, 125 00:06:32,050 - > 00:06:35,970 intentionally because I need to be in prayer. Need to make sure 126 00:06:35,970 - > 00:06:39,170 that I'm reading the word. I need to make sure that my mind 127 00:06:39,170 - > 00:06:43,490 is reseted to be able to give to them. Because if I'm responding 128 00:06:43,490 - > 00:06:46,955 out of tiredness, I'm a be done on my best. 129 00:06:46,955 - > 00:06:51,995 And if when I'm tired, as we all get, we may get a little, I 130 00:06:51,995 - > 00:06:55,035 wanna say quick temper, but you're not gonna be as 131 00:06:55,595 - > 00:07:00,680 responsive as you wanna be. As patient. Patient. There you go. 132 00:07:00,680 - > 00:07:01,320 Thank you. 133 00:07:01,880 - > 00:07:06,200 So I may not be as patient. And then if they see me, well, you 134 00:07:06,200 - > 00:07:08,760 talking about the prudent man is patient. Mhmm. Now I'm not 135 00:07:08,760 - > 00:07:12,440 showing patience, you know? So that's why I gotta take a step 136 00:07:12,440 - > 00:07:12,760 back. 137 00:07:13,015 - > 00:07:14,695 Ralph Owens: But you know what? It's important, though. Right? 138 00:07:14,695 - > 00:07:18,855 As leaders, we have to be able to know our state. That's that's 139 00:07:18,855 - > 00:07:19,415 EQ. 140 00:07:19,415 - > 00:07:22,295 Right? We have to be able to know our mental and our 141 00:07:22,295 - > 00:07:26,295 emotional state so that we can put ourselves in a position 142 00:07:26,450 - > 00:07:29,250 where we can get what we need so we can continue to be the best 143 00:07:29,250 - > 00:07:31,730 for the people that we serve. Jesus was the greatest example 144 00:07:31,730 - > 00:07:35,250 of a man we would ever have. And if he had to go get rest, if he 145 00:07:35,250 - > 00:07:39,490 had to pull away from everybody, right, to refill himself, as a 146 00:07:39,490 - > 00:07:42,185 leader, in order to be able to be the best for your people, you 147 00:07:42,185 - > 00:07:45,305 have to be able to measure that for yourself and apply it. 148 00:07:45,305 - > 00:07:45,625 Right? 149 00:07:45,625 - > 00:07:49,385 I mean, let's be honest. How many times have we all we knew 150 00:07:49,385 - > 00:07:53,065 that our internal barometer was going up, and instead of doing 151 00:07:53,065 - > 00:07:55,960 the right thing and pulling ourselves away, we stayed in 152 00:07:55,960 - > 00:07:59,160 that moment and then we snapped on somebody, right? Or we were 153 00:07:59,160 - > 00:08:01,960 quick tempered with somebody, right? You know, being able to 154 00:08:01,960 - > 00:08:05,240 measure I mean, talk about that. Understanding that, okay, man, I 155 00:08:05,240 - > 00:08:06,040 probably had enough. 156 00:08:06,040 - > 00:08:08,745 I need to go ahead and back myself away And so that I can 157 00:08:08,745 - > 00:08:12,025 maintain this this level of posture, you know, of 158 00:08:12,025 - > 00:08:13,625 mentorship. Talk about that a little bit. 159 00:08:13,625 - > 00:08:15,945 Ja'Quan Lavender: Yeah. Sometimes I would take times 160 00:08:15,945 - > 00:08:18,345 away from the school where I just email the principal and 161 00:08:18,345 - > 00:08:21,480 say, hey, won't be able to make it. Now I don't need to explain 162 00:08:21,480 - > 00:08:24,360 myself, but I'll just say, let's just reschedule for our next 163 00:08:24,360 - > 00:08:28,920 time. I know why I need to take time because, again, traveling 164 00:08:29,080 - > 00:08:32,920 and mentor kids, it becomes a lot. But it's not only the kids. 165 00:08:32,920 - > 00:08:37,275 Grown men reach out to me. You know, at 50 year old man, I 166 00:08:37,275 - > 00:08:41,275 don't know my purpose. You know how hard that is to hear that? 167 00:08:41,275 - > 00:08:45,355 Hearing that as a 30 year old and a 50 year old, like that's 168 00:08:45,755 - > 00:08:49,510 it's scary to me because I would say my biggest fear, know this 169 00:08:49,510 - > 00:08:52,710 is on top of it, my biggest fear is not being the man God called 170 00:08:52,710 - > 00:08:57,110 me to be. And to get to that age and still say I don't know my 171 00:08:57,110 - > 00:09:01,745 purpose, what did I do prior to that to not know my purpose? 172 00:09:01,745 - > 00:09:05,825 I can't blame the gentleman I'm saying for me, but what did I do 173 00:09:05,825 - > 00:09:08,945 that put me in the position to not know my purpose? Wow. So I 174 00:09:09,185 - > 00:09:12,465 this this is a real thing. A lot of this is a generation where 175 00:09:12,465 - > 00:09:13,905 men don't know who they are. 176 00:09:14,580 - > 00:09:15,300 Ralph Owens: It's good, 177 00:09:15,300 - > 00:09:15,700 Terry Baylor: man. You're 178 00:09:15,700 - > 00:09:16,420 Ralph Owens: right. It's so good. 179 00:09:16,420 - > 00:09:16,740 Ja'Quan Lavender: You are 180 00:09:16,740 - > 00:09:20,980 Terry Baylor: you are so you are so so so true, man. And I think 181 00:09:21,140 - > 00:09:25,460 part of it is, right, just look at your path and your journey, 182 00:09:25,460 - > 00:09:28,900 and the right people were at the right place at the right time. 183 00:09:29,055 - > 00:09:32,175 Even when I look at my journey, I was sharing with someone the 184 00:09:32,175 - > 00:09:36,095 other day, I was fortunate that my purpose in life is 185 00:09:36,095 - > 00:09:40,495 leadership. I didn't always know that, but it was something that 186 00:09:40,495 - > 00:09:42,230 I've always done. Right? 187 00:09:42,230 - > 00:09:45,350 But all the things that I'm passionate about, I was just 188 00:09:45,350 - > 00:09:48,950 blessed to have it in my house. Every single thing that I do 189 00:09:48,950 - > 00:09:53,510 right now today, I was exposed to before I was 15. Right? 190 00:09:53,510 - > 00:09:57,615 Music, exposed to it. Technology, exposed to it. 191 00:09:57,615 - > 00:10:02,095 Leadership, exposed to it. Sports. So my three passions are 192 00:10:02,095 - > 00:10:06,495 music, technology, and sports. I was doing all that by the age I 193 00:10:06,495 - > 00:10:11,010 was 13 or 14 years old. Well, little did I know, I got six 194 00:10:11,010 - > 00:10:11,730 brothers, man. 195 00:10:11,730 - > 00:10:16,450 So I was fortunate to see a lot of dudes do a lot of stuff. 196 00:10:16,930 - > 00:10:20,290 Right? And there are different forms of leadership. We're all 197 00:10:20,290 - > 00:10:25,505 different. But, again, but not everybody has a path like that. 198 00:10:25,985 - > 00:10:29,905 But to your point and your story, I put coach was it coach 199 00:10:29,905 - > 00:10:30,305 Horne? 200 00:10:30,305 - > 00:10:31,025 Ja'Quan Lavender: Yes, sir. 201 00:10:31,025 - > 00:10:33,825 Terry Baylor: Yeah. That dude right there, I'm looking him up. 202 00:10:33,825 - > 00:10:36,900 Ralph Owens: Hey, quick pause. If this conversation is adding 203 00:10:36,900 - > 00:10:40,180 value, take thirty seconds right now and leave a review on Apple 204 00:10:40,180 - > 00:10:44,100 Podcast. Your review helps more leaders find this show. Links 205 00:10:44,100 - > 00:10:46,180 are in the show notes. Now back to it. 206 00:10:46,900 - > 00:10:50,820 So we we we talked about, coaches and community leaders 207 00:10:51,005 - > 00:10:53,965 who've left the lasting impression and imprint on your 208 00:10:53,965 - > 00:10:57,245 life. Right? Who was the mentor that really changed your 209 00:10:57,245 - > 00:11:00,445 trajectory? Right? And what specifically did they do that 210 00:11:00,445 - > 00:11:01,565 others did not do? 211 00:11:01,565 - > 00:11:04,045 Ja'Quan Lavender: I will say coach Jack Thornton. So coach 212 00:11:04,045 - > 00:11:08,140 Thornton was my middle school, high school. And when I got out 213 00:11:08,140 - > 00:11:11,500 of college, he was my coach. But even in college, he was still 214 00:11:11,500 - > 00:11:14,700 coaching me and calling me, checking in on me, giving me 215 00:11:14,700 - > 00:11:17,260 pointers. And I also did summer track with him. 216 00:11:17,260 - > 00:11:21,885 So he would take me to USA Nationals and AAU meets. So that 217 00:11:21,885 - > 00:11:25,645 was I was the coach that was always there for me. Coach Jack, 218 00:11:25,645 - > 00:11:28,285 you know, he taught me a lot through track. He called me 219 00:11:28,285 - > 00:11:32,365 grasshopper. So grass is I don't know where he got it from. 220 00:11:32,365 - > 00:11:35,180 It's like a term that he just always used. He just gave me 221 00:11:35,180 - > 00:11:39,020 that nickname. He would call me grasshopper, and he always say 222 00:11:39,020 - > 00:11:41,740 grasshopper, you're not ready yet to snatch the pebble just 223 00:11:41,740 - > 00:11:46,300 yet. And it will always keep me on my toes just, you know, 224 00:11:46,300 - > 00:11:50,345 staying focused. And, you know, he always say, plan the work, 225 00:11:50,345 - > 00:11:53,465 work the plan, then that means you build the blueprint. 226 00:11:53,785 - > 00:11:56,105 And then once you build the blueprint, you go out and work. 227 00:11:56,105 - > 00:11:59,785 But the four p's that he had for the 400 was push, push out hard, 228 00:11:59,785 - > 00:12:04,380 the first 100, positioning, get a position, relax, but apply 229 00:12:04,380 - > 00:12:08,540 pressure, position, and then pedal to the metal. Push no. 230 00:12:08,540 - > 00:12:12,140 Push, pace, position, then pedal to the metal. That's what it 231 00:12:12,140 - > 00:12:12,540 was. 232 00:12:12,540 - > 00:12:15,485 Ralph Owens: I got you the four piece. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. 233 00:12:15,485 - > 00:12:18,925 Nice. That's awesome, man. So so again, how how are you actually 234 00:12:18,925 - > 00:12:21,005 seeing yourself replicate, you 235 00:12:21,005 - > 00:12:23,325 Ja'Quan Lavender: know, what he did in you and those that you 236 00:12:23,325 - > 00:12:27,660 mentor today? It's like the same thing. The biggest thing you 237 00:12:27,660 - > 00:12:30,300 teach these kids that you're not going to be a prudent man 238 00:12:30,300 - > 00:12:33,420 overnight, so patience is key. If you don't have patience, 239 00:12:33,900 - > 00:12:38,300 you're going to blow it. So when I look back at my career, if I 240 00:12:38,300 - > 00:12:41,195 didn't have patience, I was going to blow it because if I'm 241 00:12:41,195 - > 00:12:44,635 trying to get somewhere where I'm not ready for it, I'm gonna 242 00:12:44,635 - > 00:12:45,675 blow this whole thing. 243 00:12:45,675 - > 00:12:48,955 So if they're trying to rush to become a prudent man, it's 244 00:12:48,955 - > 00:12:50,875 impossible, it's not an overnight process. 245 00:12:50,875 - > 00:12:53,115 Ralph Owens: Let's just stay there for a second, because 246 00:12:53,115 - > 00:12:56,490 that's something that is so powerful that is resonating with 247 00:12:56,490 - > 00:13:00,010 me right now, is the ability for me to have patience with myself. 248 00:13:00,490 - > 00:13:03,050 Putting this unnecessary pressure on yourself to be 249 00:13:03,050 - > 00:13:06,730 perfect, understanding that it's a journey and you'll get to the 250 00:13:06,730 - > 00:13:10,125 destination if you keep moving forward and doing the right 251 00:13:10,125 - > 00:13:12,925 things, right? But I think for some of us, especially as 252 00:13:12,925 - > 00:13:16,605 leaders, sometimes we can be so hard driven to try to get to an 253 00:13:16,605 - > 00:13:19,885 end destination that we're not patient with ourselves and we 254 00:13:19,885 - > 00:13:22,930 put ourselves through unnecessary stress, right? And 255 00:13:22,930 - > 00:13:25,570 put ourselves in positions where, you know, we can't 256 00:13:25,570 - > 00:13:30,290 perform or, you know, degrades our, even our mental health, you 257 00:13:30,290 - > 00:13:32,850 know, as it pertains to that. Mean, talk about that a little 258 00:13:32,850 - > 00:13:33,170 bit. 259 00:13:33,170 - > 00:13:36,610 Ja'Quan Lavender: Yeah. I just believe that, you know, patience 260 00:13:36,610 - > 00:13:40,825 is a virtue, as they say. If you're not willing to be 261 00:13:40,825 - > 00:13:45,305 patient, you're gonna be impatient and it's gonna lead to 262 00:13:45,305 - > 00:13:46,345 a downfall. 263 00:13:46,825 - > 00:13:47,145 Ralph Owens: Yeah. 264 00:13:47,145 - > 00:13:50,105 Ja'Quan Lavender: And when you think about the story of Moses, 265 00:13:50,105 - > 00:13:53,720 not Moses, Abraham in Genesis, when he had to wait to become 266 00:13:53,720 - > 00:13:56,760 the father of the the nations. And, you know, that took a 267 00:13:56,760 - > 00:14:01,000 hundred years. His white boy child at 90 years old, and it 268 00:14:01,000 - > 00:14:04,680 said that Jesus came down to the the camp where they were at and 269 00:14:04,680 - > 00:14:07,320 said that a year before it came and she laughed and chuckled and 270 00:14:07,320 - > 00:14:11,275 said, I can't have a child in this old age. Like, that's, you 271 00:14:11,275 - > 00:14:14,715 know, doubt and impatience. It just that's that's what happens. 272 00:14:14,715 - > 00:14:18,075 You start you start saying stuff you shouldn't be saying. So Wow. 273 00:14:18,075 - > 00:14:20,875 I just think that patience is a virtue. 274 00:14:20,875 - > 00:14:23,035 Ralph Owens: Yeah. Yeah. And if you can't have patience with 275 00:14:23,035 - > 00:14:25,490 yourself, you how gonna have patience with somebody else? 276 00:14:25,490 - > 00:14:26,130 Ja'Quan Lavender: Exactly. 277 00:14:27,650 - > 00:14:30,130 Ralph Owens: That's good. That's good. That's good. That's good. 278 00:14:30,130 - > 00:14:35,410 So as you expand your program now to the Prudent Woman 279 00:14:35,410 - > 00:14:38,505 Leadership Academy, You know, talk about that decision and why 280 00:14:38,505 - > 00:14:41,785 that was necessary, and what does it say about your vision 281 00:14:41,785 - > 00:14:43,705 for community transformation? 282 00:14:44,025 - > 00:14:46,505 Ja'Quan Lavender: The Prudent Woman is important because you 283 00:14:46,505 - > 00:14:50,580 see a lot of young ladies that don't have principles, that 284 00:14:50,580 - > 00:14:54,580 don't know morals and standards, they dress any type of way, say 285 00:14:54,580 - > 00:14:59,060 anything. And it's the same need that the young men have. So I 286 00:14:59,060 - > 00:15:03,515 wanted to start it because one, every time I go to a school, a 287 00:15:03,515 - > 00:15:07,035 school is always asking, do you have a program for women? And 288 00:15:07,035 - > 00:15:11,115 I'm like, yeah, I do. But at the time, no one could teach it. 289 00:15:11,515 - > 00:15:15,915 So we have someone now that can teach it, and it's success. It's 290 00:15:15,915 - > 00:15:17,275 very good. Very, very good. 291 00:15:17,275 - > 00:15:17,835 Ralph Owens: That's fantastic. 292 00:15:18,220 - > 00:15:20,140 Ja'Quan Lavender: Young ladies is learning, and I'm very 293 00:15:20,140 - > 00:15:22,860 impressed. Sometimes I think that the ladies is better than 294 00:15:22,860 - > 00:15:26,300 the young men. I honestly believe that the young ladies 295 00:15:26,300 - > 00:15:30,300 mature quicker than the young men, and I'm seeing it for 296 00:15:30,300 - > 00:15:30,940 myself. 297 00:15:32,140 - > 00:15:34,705 Ralph Owens: That is that's incredible. So when you watch a 298 00:15:34,705 - > 00:15:37,585 young man or a young woman graduate from your program, 299 00:15:37,825 - > 00:15:41,105 what's the thing you see in them that tells you that the work 300 00:15:41,105 - > 00:15:42,785 really landed, it really worked? 301 00:15:42,785 - > 00:15:45,585 Ja'Quan Lavender: Actions never lie. Two two things. The mirror 302 00:15:45,585 - > 00:15:49,480 never lie and the character never lies. So once I see their 303 00:15:49,480 - > 00:15:53,560 character marrying from the prudent man, prudent woman, I 304 00:15:53,560 - > 00:15:58,120 say they got it. Whenever I see that they are doing the 305 00:15:58,120 - > 00:15:59,560 opposite, they don't got it. 306 00:15:59,560 - > 00:16:01,320 So they need to sit still for a second. 307 00:16:01,320 - > 00:16:03,655 Ralph Owens: That's so good. So for the leaders in our audience 308 00:16:03,655 - > 00:16:06,695 who have influence over others, whether they're managing a team 309 00:16:06,695 - > 00:16:09,175 or raising children, what's the one thing they need to 310 00:16:09,175 - > 00:16:12,375 understand about what mentorship really requires? 311 00:16:12,375 - > 00:16:15,015 Ja'Quan Lavender: Okay. I would say being understanding. A lot 312 00:16:15,015 - > 00:16:19,520 of parents are understanding. They want everything their way. 313 00:16:19,520 - > 00:16:21,280 Like you gotta understand your child. 314 00:16:21,280 - > 00:16:24,880 You gotta understand why is his behavior this way? Why is he 315 00:16:24,880 - > 00:16:27,680 quiet? You know, it's it's a lot of things that we may not 316 00:16:27,680 - > 00:16:32,475 understand as parents, but I read a book, I think it was 317 00:16:32,475 - > 00:16:37,675 Battle Cry or The The Moment Demands by Jason Wilson. He will 318 00:16:37,675 - > 00:16:42,155 always say that he would just go in his child's room, sit on his 319 00:16:42,155 - > 00:16:46,200 son's floor without his permission. And when his child 320 00:16:46,200 - > 00:16:49,160 was upset, he would just lay on the floor until his son was 321 00:16:49,160 - > 00:16:50,120 ready to talk. 322 00:16:50,120 - > 00:16:54,200 And then his son would open up because he put himself in a 323 00:16:54,200 - > 00:16:57,720 position where he can talk to him, but he put himself in a 324 00:16:57,720 - > 00:17:00,485 vulnerable position where my dad wants to talk to me and 325 00:17:00,485 - > 00:17:04,085 understand me. Wow. A lot of fathers and mothers is there 326 00:17:04,085 - > 00:17:07,045 physically, but emotionally they're not there for their 327 00:17:07,045 - > 00:17:07,605 kids. 328 00:17:07,685 - > 00:17:08,165 Ralph Owens: So 329 00:17:08,165 - > 00:17:11,285 Ja'Quan Lavender: when that's missing, how can that connection 330 00:17:11,285 - > 00:17:14,810 work? It's not gonna work unless I'm being understanding as a 331 00:17:14,810 - > 00:17:15,210 parent. 332 00:17:15,210 - > 00:17:19,130 Ralph Owens: Yeah. Yeah. I see that parallel in leadership in 333 00:17:19,130 - > 00:17:22,810 the workplace, right? Until you are willing to get on the level 334 00:17:22,810 - > 00:17:25,905 and be vulnerable with those that you lead, you may not be 335 00:17:25,905 - > 00:17:27,185 able to reach them. Right? 336 00:17:27,185 - > 00:17:29,425 They may not be willing to open up to you so that you can 337 00:17:29,425 - > 00:17:32,945 actually influence them to move to the next level. So I think 338 00:17:32,945 - > 00:17:35,345 that's fantastic. That's fantastic, man. That's a great 339 00:17:35,665 - > 00:17:37,665 end to this episode. So thank you. 340 00:17:37,665 - > 00:17:38,305 Thank you so much. 341 00:17:38,520 - > 00:17:39,320 Ja'Quan Lavender: Yes, sir. 342 00:17:39,320 - > 00:17:41,320 Ralph Owens: That's a wrap on this episode of the Leadership 343 00:17:41,320 - > 00:17:45,320 Sovereignty Podcast. If today's conversation added value, I want 344 00:17:45,320 - > 00:17:49,080 you to do three things right now. Number one, subscribe so 345 00:17:49,080 - > 00:17:52,840 you never miss an episode. Number two, leave a rating and a 346 00:17:52,840 - > 00:17:56,315 review on Apple Podcast or Spotify. It only takes sixty 347 00:17:56,315 - > 00:17:59,195 seconds, but it really helps more leaders find the show. 348 00:17:59,355 - > 00:18:01,995 And number three, share this episode with someone who's on 349 00:18:01,995 - > 00:18:05,275 the rise in their career. 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