The Neuroscience Behind Play: Why Early Experience Shapes Future Skills | Baby Brain with Sonya Barlow

Welcome to the Sonia Barlow show where I talk to leaders, founders and people of influence about how they are creating the future of work and changing their tales of tomorrow. You know, I don't like a long introduction, so I'm just going to jump straight into it. I have the pleasure of speaking to Jessica today who is the founder of lovevery. She's going to go into her business story in just a second. But the premise of this call is really to not just understand her story and her reasoning why, but to think about future of play, how we can be in our best childlike scenario as adults and why we are probably not as creative as we used to be and how Jessica is really out to solve some of those challenges. Starting from a as soon as you are born experience, which for me is very interesting given that I am currently on my own and motherhood journey. And I have learned so much more about what parenthood means and what it doesn't mean in the last few months and hopefully now when baby will come, we will use some of these insights to encourage play and encourage the playfulness that I think a lot of us have lost in life. So Jessica, welcome and thank you for being here. Thank you so much Sonia for having me. So let's do a quick introduction. You are the founder or co founder of lovevery. What does lovevery stand for and why do you love everything to begin with? So lovevery is all about helping parents feel confident and helping improve outcomes and help children reach their full potential. So we're, we're here to support parents in play, as you said, so that they can make the most of their time with their children all the way from birth to actually second grade. We now have a learn to read program and we're really about that parent child bond and the learning and the brain development that can happen when you have positive experiences together. And did this, did this come from your own experience of being a parent or being a childminder or you know, just understanding that the world we're currently in is moving in a trajectory that you just weren't comfortable with? Yeah, I would say so. I have been in the early life space for 17 years now. So my first business I started before having my own children. So I co founded a company called Happy Family and we're now the number one organic baby food company company in the US and sell globally. So might also, I think we have some available in the uk. Built that company really on a platform of nutrition and all the importance of having like a healthy start to life from a nutrition Perspective can make such a difference in a child's future. I found myself, I have my own children throughout the process of building that company, and I found myself feeling really confident about what I was feeding my babies, but really curious and questioning what was happening with all the stuff and the toys and the time that we were spending together. So I remember I had a friend had dropped off a bunch of her hand me down toys. And, you know, oftentimes we don't really want to spend money on toys. You kind of think that that's the place you might buy a fancy stroller or get some cool, you know, cloth diapers, depending on where you are. But really, toys should be just sort of. I mean, let's just take some hand me downs. I remember sitting in the living room with my baby and I watched him push a button on a. This, like, flashy toy. And all of a sudden all this stuff was happening with this toy. And I was kind of hoping to have some moments of connection. I was actually working a lot and really hoping to be, you know, in a. In like, just have a few moments with my child. And it was almost like this toy was between us. And I found myself wondering what was happening. How was this toy really helping his development? And so I discovered this doctoral thesis that was written on infant brain development, and it totally changed everything for me. And that was the inspiration for starting lovevery. Yeah, no, I mean, that's such a great. It's such a great foundation to start on. And one thing that I really enjoyed about what you've just shared is that was a challenge that you saw in front of your own eyes. It's not necessarily went out to seek, you know, starting a new business or becoming a founder again. It was, this is something that is happening right in front of me. How do I solve it? And not just for my own kid, but for everyone else. I mean, I actually read some of the research that you're talking about, especially now I'm on my own journey. And, you know, your website shares your story vision. And one thing that I found fascinating was, and I quote, the network structures formed by experiences children have in the first three years of life. The research revealed the more you expose babies to how the world works, the richer the neural networks become. So before I get into the childlike play and the business that you've built, my first question is, what's the one thing that you actually learn about yourself in the process of exposing babies to new things? Because I guess as adults, we forget that we can also stay learning. Absolutely. I mean, I think that for me, I felt like, you know, as a parent, I really just, you know, I always had wanted the best for my children, but I really didn't understand how much I, I could play a meaningful role in sort of reinventing what we think of as this sort of toy space and like his environment. And it was, it was hard because, I mean, I guess what I learned about myself is that it's really hard to have that kind of big picture goal while you have a messy house and you're like overwhelmed with work and you've got all these things that you're juggling. And I think for me, the thing that I had to do was really just prioritize what was most important and most most important was spending meaningful time with my child when I was able to, giving him these experiences that were not part of this, like the flashy toys that I'd had and really helping him to grow and develop. So it was, what I discovered was really, it's about what I'm not doing as much as what I'm doing as a parent that made, that made all the difference. That's very insightful. Having listened to you, I guess the first question that came to my head was how did you also overcome that mom guilt or their parent guilt or the. If, if you had any guilt to begin with? Actually, why am I assuming? I only asked that because it actually took me a really long time to tell my network that I was expecting because I, if I'm being quite, quite honest with you, especially when you're self employed and you're a founder, you're obviously there's an opportunity cost and we're currently speaking in January and February. I'm off and March is my international Women's Day kind of, you know, month. And I've already had to say no to numerous opportunities because I want to give child time and I want to spend time with, you know, this thing and person that I brought into the world. But at the same time you do think, hey, am I being the best parent if I not providing or what am I providing? And I think there's that kind of constant struggle that maybe we do talk about, but maybe I just haven't been exposed to those conversations because this is a whole new experience for myself. Oh, it's such a, it's such a new experience. I am so excited to talk to you afterwards and just hear your thoughts because you're obviously clearly so insightful. I would say to the Mom Guild, I, we all feel sort of pits in our Stomach, especially when we're working and we're having to spend time away from our children. But I also think that if you spend all of your time with your children, that's hard too. It's just there isn't sort of a. There's the easy way to kind of think the grass is greener on, on our choices as parents. For me, you know, as my children are, are older now, and I have two teenagers and then an elementary school child. And I think that the, the mom guilt is this sort of, this wave of like, oh, I could have done this differently. I could have done this better. And I think that, you know, quickly forgiving yourself, if you've got in a tussle with your child, apologizing to them and, and recognizing and demonstrating that you realize that you didn't do things the way you wanted to do it, but then also just begin again. It's just that concept of begin again, is that so helpful in life, is that you can. There's, there's never nothing's fixed, especially with children, you know, and so if you, if you didn't pay attention to something that you wished you had, just start again and start paying attention now to that thing. So I think that it's, you'll find that it's just a really joyful journey. Well, thank you for that. Thank you for that. Thank you for the exposure. You said something which has sparked another question in my brain. You said begin again. And obviously you mentioned the beginning in your, your journey that you've already founded a business, you sold a business, you've become again with, with this kind of new business, and you're still in that space. So how did you decide on your first product to actually support the development of babies when you are, you know, balancing this family structure with your foundership with also the free time that you've gained for yourself? Right. You've decided, actually, I'm going to go back into the world of business, which itself is super brave. So how do you decide on your first product? And, and, you know, now on reflection, how do you feel about that first item that you put out into the world? Yeah, well, I would say that I just really felt compelled to build lovevery. I tried to give out this doctoral thesis to anybody. I met all my friends and I was like, this is incredible information. And look, you don't really need all the toys that you have. There's a new way to do things. And I found that it just really fell flat. And so I found myself thinking over a period of months and then years of how could I, how could I do something that would make a bigger impact, that would be more tangible for people? And so Rod and I co founded lovevery and our first product is the number one registered for category A product in the number one registered for category in learning. And so it's a play gym. But we really reinvented the play gym. It's now the, a top seller, which is so exciting. So I, we, we love the, you know, we call it the Play gym and it's based on Montessori principles. It's based on stim that unfolds as a child grows. So it really does grow with the child. Comes with a guide that is so useful and helpful with little activities that you can do with your baby that are age appropriate and really thoughtful and helps you discover what your baby's interested in and help you tune into them. Because it is so hard in the beginning, especially when they're just like these tiny little things and eating can be so hard and sleep can be so hard. But play can be really accessible and fun to do. As a parent, it doesn't, you know, it doesn't take quite as much out of you to do, to do play if you have these right materials. So our play gym was our first product. We still love this product. It's, we've, you know, continued to kind of perfect it, but I think it's really a platform for that first year. We'd always known that we wanted to create a system of learning that would unfold over time. And so the play gym, the play kits, which is the kits that deliver every two months for when from the first year of life and then every three months from 1, 2, 3 and 4, really help a child, really help kind of integrate with the play gym and help you work on more nuanced development skills. So the whole thing is supposed to support and is supportive of holistic development. And when you say about holistic development, when I was doing the research for this episode and also for the work that you've done, one thing that really struck out to me is that we're really designing a life which is screen free, which kind of seems counterintuitive to the world that we're living in right now. Right. I recently read a research case study on the BBC that said 10 year olds spend at least nine hours a day on the screen and adults during work, something similar. And kids are naturally exposed to screens and the TV and phones and cars. And I think it was a study in the Americas that said we are on our phone at least 98 times a day, which is incredible. And just yesterday I was speaking to my network and some friends and I said, look, it's not that we are. It's, it's, it's difficult to be in, in a space where you want to take away your kids from the screens because it'd be easy for you not to give them a screen. But it's hard to take the screens away from the people around us. And so one thing I really liked about Love Every is it's designed to be screen free. Right? Your Montessori expired, your expert backed and I guess screen free is an important aspect of raising kids right now, but it's really difficult. So what are the benefits of having screen free toys and products at least that you found through the research that you've conducted, but also the many years in industry that you've had? Yeah, there are so many benefits. I mean children are really sensory beings and they learn with their senses. And so I think a lot of times we think about like the bigger gross motor milestones, like when are they going to crawl, when are they going to walk, when are they going to run or jump? And I, I think the things that we like to think about is also there's a ton of cognition and brain development that is happening that is not maybe manifesting from these, these big, these big aha moments as a parent. And so really investing in that cognition, children need, they need interactions with people, they need manipulatives to, to hold and to touch in their hands. And I would say that, you know, I think that there's, there's a lot of benefits of just holding off on screens if you can for a while as your child is growing and developing and then also limiting them when they're, when they're young because you'll find that they'll spend more time outdoors if they don't have access to screens or they'll, they'll find them, you'll find them reading more or exploring puzzles or independent play can happen. You have to nurture it. It's a little harder, but it can definitely be encouraged in most children. You know, some children just really, you know, are so in need of stimulation that they're, they're a little bit harder. So it depends on who your child is. But I would say, you know, I, you know, I just think that trying to avoid screens as much as you can, if I'm talking to somebody who's pregnant, I would say, you know, my one on one advice for you would be to Just, you don't need to introduce them. They don't, you know, they will, they will come naturally in their child's life over time. Yeah. And they're in, you know, like later in elementary school and they'll encounter screens. I think the parent screen time question is, is a, is a big one. I really struggle with that. And I think that, you know, it's, it's, it is hard to run a life and not be on your phone, not be on your screen around your children. So we at lovevery include a physical printed guide with every kit so that you're not on your screen and on your phone. Opening up the apps and opening up, you know, we, we do have an app that's great. But we also make sure that the core information is, is in this printed guide. I mean even in your website. As somebody who enjoys learning, I liked the fact that you were or you have at least stated your research and told us why something is happening, be that in your blog or kind of the research studies that you do take place. And one thing when I opened the play kits was, I mean I'm a big reader of books. I'm an author myself, currently doing my second book. I like the fact that you have visual play cards that can really encourage learning. And I think that there's something beautiful about having a book as an example or something tangible in your hand, even if it's just shapes and colors rather than words. So I personally, I don't read through a Kindle like a digital copy. I have something physical and I think that the idea of smell and touch and sensory play is, is amazing outside of the products that you've created and the systems that we have, if you were speaking to a parent or a guardian who said what is, you know, one way that I can encourage play in our house, especially if we're busy balancing work in life like the smallest hit that can make a difference. What would you say? I mean, I think the first thing I would say for infants and for babies, taking them on a house tour. So we, you'll notice that if you read this doctoral thesis that we read, he, the author William Stasso talks about house tour as giving your baby all this real life experience and exposure. And so when they're fussy, I always found that walking my baby around front, forward facing, wrapping on a window close, opening and closing a cupboard and slowly getting a glass of water for myself or even preparing food, but doing it in a way and talking to your baby while you're doing it can be so mesmerizing for them because they're just craving that understanding of how the real world works. So play can be as simple as, as, as getting yourself a glass of water or doing laundry with your baby front facing I would say. You know, I think that there's a lot around toddlers and how to, you know, engaging with play with toddlers, it's about helping them tune into the development they're craving. And so we have for example for a 13 month old we have these carrots that push through a little, a little box and then it advances to a coin that goes through a slot and then it advances to these little trees that are posted into a lid and you, it's so amazing to just observe and watch a toddler just work so hard. They, they just crave this understanding of fine, this fine motor practice which, which lights up the language centers of their brain too. And so I think it's just having those right play things so that they're engaged and being with them and play so it doesn't have to be hard. This is the easy part, this is the fun part and it doesn't have to be all day. It doesn't have to be all day. It's, it's the times that you do have to spend together and I like that that's a running message throughout this discussion is it's, it's about quality, not necessarily quantity. And I think you've shared that with your, you know, foundations of well I, there was hand me down toys but kids don't need that much. They just need the good stuff and the quality which is further than the quantity as much as the fact that actually they don't need 24, 7. You need to obviously cater for them but they need X amount of your time and if you can give that to them screen free, it helped them in their development journey. One thing that is coming to my brain is obviously the introduction and the advancement of individuals who are neurodivergent, you know, or have ADHD like myself. Yeah, I have in the last few years started doing a lot of research into the way that I can change my infrastructure and systems to encourage for better words level of play in my processes. Especially when that is how your brain works from a creative lens. So have you ever thought or have, do you have any thoughts about kind of that love every brand and business, how you are catering or developing to the more kind of neurodivergent stakeholders? Especially when as kids we're encouraged to play but as adults we're encouraged to be kind of pushed into a box and held into the systems. You are going to have so much fun with your baby. I can't wait to have you experience this next stage of life. I would say, you know, playfulness is not just for, for children, is for everyone. And that's why this is going to be like, so exciting. I will say, you know, they're giving your child opportunities to have some of that deep focus. Time can, can stretch the periods of time for focus and really tuning in to what, what they want to focus on. And then also being able to move from, from one activity to another and like, move, move your body and every, you know, everyone is unique. Everyone is unique. And that's what's so beautiful about today's world, is that deeply understanding the individual and the individual's needs. Each one of my children have different individual needs. And so, yeah, I would say that, you know, this is not about fitting in or meeting a milestone or something prescriptive. This is about helping a child express themselves and discover, you know, who they are, but also having so much fun and play as an adult and the child together. With play being such a big part of your business model and even this discussion, how do you stop yourself from creating more products and more services? Like, how do you just focus on one? Because I'm, I'm listening to you. I'm like, oh, you. You know, even I'm sure you have like 10 ideas a day. How do you make sure that you're going with the one that is the most helpful in that moment in time or the one that's kind of the most commercial, whatever it might be, in terms of your values? Because I can imagine if a business is made with play, you just want to play all the time. You do. It feels like it's limitless the opportunities that we have and that what we want to do. So it is like reining that in and being able to create a development pipeline for a year of work from a team is one of the harder things that we do. We have so much already, though, over the seven and a half years that we've been in business. So we have the play gym. We have all the play kits from birth to age 5. We have a learn to read program. We're working on more skills now. We have a bath set. We have, I think we've shipped almost 10 million books since we've launched and 50 million playthings. So we're kind of ticking off the boxes. When you start something, you're like, oh, my gosh, I want to Just do it all. And it's been so satisfying to say now we have this just amazing bath set and now it's done and it's out in the world and so it's, it's very fun. We've got a really exciting launches happening this year. So I would say we obviously have like a rigorous process for evaluating each product and there's business development is involved and financials are involved and will it go into retailer. But there's also just this like core passion for you know what, what's next? We made a play kitchen that has, that's actually functional for a toddler. So it has real water that can drink and prepare food and it really revolutionary. There's nothing like it on the market. And it was so fun to make this. It was really hard to make it so that the water was safe to drink and you know, and appropriate for the child. But it's been so fun. And then we made a recipe guide over the holidays so a child can actually follow visual recipe and prepare their own snacks. So there's just constant. The team is full of so many ideas. Have you seen, have you seen your, your own kind of creativity, work ethic or even value shift over the last seven and a half years then since you started this business in the world of play and, and development and now as you're a leader in the space of, you know, play and development, how has it impacted you as a human, as an adult, as a person? Yeah, I think that the play is there and it's so fun and our team is so creative and I just am amazed by the, the ideas and the, the intention with which our team is making new things. I would say the thing that I've learned the most about myself is in engaging with our community. So we have a really thoughtful community of, you know, millions of people who've, who've had love every touch their lives. And so for, for me it's some of those one on one engagements, whether it's a DM on Instagram or a comment on Reddit or a email in from customer service and really continuing to learn from our customers is probably the biggest joy that I get in my life, in my work life. I just really have so much deep respect for new parents and all that they can bring to help us be better. So we're really love to think of us as in conversation with, with families about what they're looking for and what they need and what they're hoping for from us. And that's very much the future of any Kind of business model, social enterprise is tapping into the community in the wider network and saying what do you need and what are your challenges and how can we solve them for you? Right, because you mentioned it right at the beginning of the discussion. People are overstimulated, there's a lot of noise. You don't really know what you don't know, but you don't necessarily know how to shut off and shut down. So even with your kind of play kits, one thing I really enjoyed was the tangibility of it. The colors of course, the, the play model, but that I don't need to plug this into something to enjoy it. And I think that's what we've forgotten a lot of the time is. Yes, plug and play model. It's a, you can enjoy just touching something, hearing something, feeling, smelling something. Like it's about breaking the senses and, and reminding yourself of those basic skills. And you touched on this earlier about skills. I guess my, my question to you being is that you've seen the development of kids, you've seen the development of business, you've seen the development of adults. What is, what, what do you think the skills of the future therefore really are and what do you think people should be focusing on? Yeah, I think flexible thinking is everything for our future. I mean, and so we have, these are kind of higher level executive functioning skills that we talk about and we have a hole in our four year old kits which will be soon available in the uk so they will be available for you when, when it comes time for your child. But they, they are flexible thinking is so important and it's this executive functioning skill that, that helps you, you know, think about a problem in a different way. And so we have products that, that really try to work that flexible thinking. Like it, it can be put together this way or can be put together this way. How can you rethink another person's experience also that, that empathy and you know, I had my experience, but can we be flexible in thinking about what the other person's experience might have been different from our own? I think, I think that's probably everything for living in the world of AI and our future. I see that behind you. You have so many colorful objects, your own products and you know, they spark joy. Did you always decide, was it like an intentional choice to therefore make your products quite colorful and of, of, of sparking joy? Yeah, not by design. Yes. We wanted to have the parenting experience be inspiring and beautiful and spark joy. So I thank you so much for seeing that and feeling that that Is our goal is that, you know, that to help elevate parenthood and help you feel really good about the time that you're spending together. It doesn't have to be the sort of like ugly, junky looking things. It can be beautiful. And you spoke earlier about your own kids and their kind of, you know, development. Now, as a, as a parent versus kind of a founder, is there something in the last few years that stood out to you about your own kids or the kids that you've seen around you in their development that you believe is a byproduct of the joy and the fun and the play that they had when they were younger? I mean, I think that what I would say to new parents would be to invest early and invest early in that play and that attention, because it will come back to you, you know, hundredfold or more later. I think I oftentimes have observed, you know, parents maybe not investing as much in, in the early years, but then playing catch up later. And that's just part of it is actually kind of a way of looking at life in general. Right. Like the, the earlier you can invest, the more that comes back to you. So, you know, I would say that all the specialists that work in early education always say early intervention, early investment makes such a difference. There's something like 90% of the human brain by weights developed by age 5. So there's just so much development. It's kind of, it doesn't feel like it's. It feels like they're just kind of, these skills are naturally unfolding and they're. Oh, they are meeting their milestones. But there is so much happening cognitively in a child's brain in those early months and years. So we want to help support parents to invest in that and make it joyful and playful. It's all about play. Yeah, no, I, I really am, I'm really understanding that sentiment from our, from our conversation. And you know, I'm sure that there's so many living examples of that one time that you did that when somebody was 1 years old and it's, you know, caught up to them when they're 11. I mean, I look at my own niece and nephews and I'm like, oh, that one time that we probably took you to the park and you played and you fell down, but you got back up has actually encouraged you in this scenario to be confident again or to try again or. My nephew's five months and he's currently going through his food experience journey and you can just see the faces they make and the sensations they have. But also since he started eating porridge, I'd honestly say he's grown up so much because he's sat up straight and he wants to get involved and, you know, mess around. But the sensation of tasting and a sensory feeling is, is going to obviously benefit them when they, when they're a little bit older. So we'd love every. You said you've got some incredible launches coming up and some, some really cool ideas that you're working on. Is there anything that you can share with us that we should be aware of in the next kind of 12 months to 18 months? Be that your thoughts, your research, your ideas, or even your future colors that you're going to be using for your books? Let's say. Yeah, what we did do a dream come true photo shoot, Toddler's first flight, in partnership with Delta and you know, the airport. And so I'm, I'm really excited for that book to come out. We just did a photo shoot for that book and there's, there's a lot around. Supporting parents with some alternatives to helping to preview a big event and helping children. Like, for example, the bathroom flush is very loud in airplanes and it can be very scary for, for young children being able to kind of preview that. And, you know, okay, what's my strategy? I'm going to put my hands over my ears and it'll be okay. And you know, so we're very excited about that. That's so interesting. So I, yeah, I can, I can see how that's a very important topic. But we possibly forget to encourage. Encourage is wrong word. Maybe educate our kids on how to take these processes and our stride because they're so used to it. I mean, I think I mentioned, you know, I've, I'm already, I'm already thinking about baby's first trip in the flight. So we're already thinking, okay, well, you know, we want headphones and that's as much as we've got to. But the, even the point you've made about the bathroom and the sensory overload and the noise is, is incredible. So you see, that book is coming up hopefully soon. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I love that for us. Well, thank you. Well, Jessica, is there anything that you would like to share that you feel we haven't covered or that maybe has come to your brain whilst we've been discussing? I think my, I guess if, if I can just give some unsolicited advice to, you know, kind of early parenthood is just, is to just really make eye Contact and talk to your baby when you're with them and really look for their cues in their, you know, in the beginning you won't see much coming back from them other than their eye contact, but eventually they might, you know, wave their arms a little bit more, kick a little bit more, or start to make gurgling. No phrases, just really engaging. That back and forth conversation with your baby can be so powerful for their brain development. It's so simple. You just do it while you're changing their diaper or while you're with them. But it's just my piece of advice that I often try to give to families. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing. I mean, I personally have learned so much from encouraging play and joyful moments to giving quality time all the way to what you've just shared. You know, just giving them eye contact, communicating with them and treating them like they're actual being and, you know, enabling and empowering them to learn through the way that they want to learn. One thing that I've taken away from the Love Every playbook is there's no one size fits all approach. So of course there's these designs and systems to help everybody and that's the Montessori approach as you've shared. But it's more about how do we make this our own rather than follow what has already been done and kind of, you know, direct our kids into this next phase of their, of their life. So I just like to say a big thank you. Where can people reach out and find more about your story and also your beautiful products? Yes. So, so Instagram is lovevery.europe and lovevery.co.uk is our Lovevery website. And so we just look forward to, we have an email series, we have a free app that you can download. There is so, so many resources that we, we want to support parents in having the best experience. Well, thank you so much for your time and I wish you the best of luck. Thank you. Great speaking with you.